Down another 0.8 pounds.
So, it’s NYE and I am conflicted.
In many ways, this year has really sucked:
- I had that all-consuming project in May/June that went all weird when the client used me to buffer himself from having to fund and still failed to fund and then refused to pay me the $35k he owed me. Bastard.
- I made significantly less money this year than I made in the last couple of years, when I was still making almost no money compared to the old days, and my life became very, very difficult. Some weeks, we made it on $50/week for food and gas, etc., although I still don’t know how.
- The ex broke up with me and moved out, after many, many months of being depressed and self-medicating.
- I broke my foot, which isolated me for a few weeks, and prevented me from walking the Hike and Bike every day as I had grown to love for stress relief and exercise.
- I ended a long-term business relationship and lost someone I considered a very close friend. I realized when I was home for the holidays that not talking to him everyday was really, really hard. It’s too bad he turned out to be so impetuous when push came to shove.
- I apparently took a vow of poverty that changed my ability to do do what I want, when I want, and humbled me even further than I thought possible.
But, it’s also been pretty great. And, honestly, I am happy, content, and excited for 2008.
Though I am still devastated by the break-up and I am not yet open to dating or even meeting new potential people (so seriously, stop trying to set me up), I am actually really happy. I know I keep saying that, but it’s a bit surprising given all that’s happened (and how much I miss him and the future and children we will never have) to run an emotional diagnostic and realize, yeah, I am actually happy and excited about the future.
I’d think that were kinda messed up if it were not what we both hoped would happen. He’s been saying to me for months how much happier I am, and though I think it’s a bit weird to openly acknowledge it to him, it’s totally true.
I really like who I am:
- I like how my brain works.
- I like my relationships with people.
- I like how my body feels when I spend an hour and a half on the trail.
- I like that I am genuinely helping clients make their dreams come true.
- I like the challenges I keep setting for myself — like relearning French or art history.
- I like that I am always looking for ways to be more efficient or more effective.
- I love wandering around museums and visiting favorite paintings and finding new things that change how I view the world.
- I like that I need space to recharge and think and that I have found ways to do it within the framework of my life.
- I like that I am exuberant, even if it irritates everyone I know and love.
- I love that I am hopeful and optimistic, but that I have learned to be very careful and cautious.
Au revoir, 2007! It’s been a challenging year, but I am happy with where I sit today and hopeful about 2008.
