My Year-Long Gift to Myself

On December 27, 2007, I started The New New Plan to track my progress in life publicly. I am looking back a year later and I am amazed by all that has happened.

On this day last year, I weighed 157.2 pounds, having backslid from my initial diet success after A broke my heart and I broke my foot. I was depressed, sad, broke, and broken. I had been single for four and a half months after years with A. My life felt completely out of my control. My weight had jumped almost 10 pounds in two and a half months. I had no idea if I would ever feel like myself again.

Intending to lose the last 32 pounds (out of a total of 45), I started my diet again on December 27 with good intentions, hoping that by making it “public,” I would be even more dedicated to success. I succeeded far beyond my expectations. I have continued to lose weight under the guise of “maintenance.” I shifted my goal weight downward until now, finally, I am in the range I prefer: 118-121. (For now.)

What I did not truly consider is how important the process of recording my journey would be for me overall. It was never just about the weight loss . . . it was about the fresh start in life I was giving myself.

When I look back at what I wrote at this time last year, I am struck by how different my life is. There are a few similarities — I am still grossly underpaid, I still travel and work with BP, I am still close to my ex, and I am still suffering from a fracture in my foot (same foot, new fracture) — but, in general, my life is completely different because I am different in my life. I think of myself differently, I am focused on different things (which all begin with my navel, but I am working on that), and I have fallen for my new new man BFD, who encourages me to be all of those parts of myself my friends hate.

I can look specifically day by day and cringe at some of my ridiculousness over the past year. I have thought some truly stupid things, I have missed signs that were laid clearly before me, and I have made some questionable choices. All of that will continue of course. Plus, I will continue to be oblivious, to wound the men closest to me, to ignore the feelings of those I love, and to take risks that shock the less impetuous. These are not good things, and I will be working in 2009 to become a more thoughtful, more caring, more responsible version of myself. But all that is for another post or five.

For now, I am celebrating quietly and alone — as usual — that over the past year, I have succeeded in becoming the person I need to be to create the life I want. I am, in many ways, already living my new life and I have been for a while.  At this time last year, I did not think I could weigh 120 pounds, be back in 2/4, find the man I want to marry (yes, seriously), launch a new company, and rejoin my social world.  I did not think I would feel it all sincerely, but I do.  I no longer have to pretend to be happy — I am happy.

Thank you for the advice and support.  Thank you for keeping me honest.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.