As the result of today’s conversation, I now know I am completely in control of my relationship with BFD. I knew that all it would take was “being excellent in [his] presence.” He needed to see me as professionally successful in order to want to move forward. We are not just dating, we’re figuring out if we want to get married.
The start of our relationship coincided with the global financial crisis. Throughout our relationship, I have been struggling financially: my big deal collapsed, all of my business dried up, BP dropped his financial support, and everything in my life fell apart.
BFD, as I have mentioned before, is wealthy. He is completely self-made, extremely careful with money, a bit of a control freak, and very anxious about being taken advantage of. He is slow to trust, with good reason. (He is also an incredibly kind, sensitive man.)
I have been a very successful professional from a young age. I have had some impressive career achievements. The last six months damaged me in a lot of ways and my self-esteem and self-confidence took a huge hit . . . which is impressive since I am a narcissist who believes — and often announces — that I am, in fact, awesome.
I have not felt that BFD has seen the real me. When I think about it, I do wonder why we are together. There have been glimpses, but I never feel as though he has seen me be fully myself — the woman BP fell for, the woman the Alternate Reality waxes on about. Maybe he has and I am discounting some of our interactions — maybe he sees me — but there are times when I just think it’s because of the great sex.
Of course, whenever I think that, I also think that there are much easier relationships he could be in and much less involvement he could have with me. I know everything about his business model, I know how much he spends on himself, his businesses, and his sport. I know about the lawsuit, see his communications with his lawyers. I know how much he pays people and how much he expects to make from what he is doing right now. In short, I know everything that is important to him about money — and I am currently driving his expensive weekend car.
So, what changed? Why do I now feel so good and so in control?
BFD called me while he was working on Sunday afternoon to talk about having me work on his project. We had discussed it the night before on our date — he wants to give me money and equity in the deal — but he had clearly been thinking about it more.
That he has approached me about it, that he has been so clear in his intention to get money to me, that he trusts me to represent him in this, it all says a lot. It has taken us months to finally feel comfortable enough to move forward. I have never pushed him on it, but every time he mentioned it, I have always followed up to say I am interested and available, so just let me know. Now he trusts me a bit more and he knows I understand how he thinks.
When I spoke with him yesterday, I felt fully myself. I was in control of the conversation, I allowed him to hear my thought process, and I let him know that I take his concerns seriously. He is very concerned about wasting his time so I asked him to put together some points before we get too involved. It’s good, though. We are speaking the same language and he sees me for me.
I really feel strongly that enormous progress was made by just being who I am completely. Now that I feel like myself again, I am sharing that and I know he saw it and respected it.
