This week has been emotionally rough, but it has given me the needed kick in the ass to make some big decisions about the people in my life.
I am engaged in drama with a number of people and it’s just not what I want for my life. Some of them I cannot eliminate completely — I just need to fundamentally alter my relationships with them so that what they do no longer affects me.
I genuinely love W the Underminer and BP the Insane, but the stress and drama they brought to my life this week was damaging. I know they both love me, but they are involved in personal drama of their own and it’s affecting what they say to me.
W is dealing with his on/off girlfriend — they may be back together, I think, but he is not acknowledging it. He also turns 40 this week, and he is suffering from gout. Yes, things in his life are grand. His bitterness affects what he says about everyone and I cannot take it.
BP has issues with several of his businesses and his son. He is very angry about things that have nothing to do with me, and I know it bleeds into my relationship with him.
When I am suffering from pms, I am much more sensitive to what they say, but the bottom line is that what they say has been incredibly fucked up.
Part of what I need to do is build some walls between us. I cannot eliminate them completely, but I can protect myself better by filtering most of what they saw and removing most of what I tell them.
Because they are very, very close to me, I owe them the consideration of not cutting them off completely. We all have times when we suffer mightily and are knowingly or unknowingly cruel to those we love. They did not cut me off when I have been depressed and navel-gazing or cruel to them, and I should be there for them as they suffer through their own personal dramas. But, I know I cannot allow them to affect me to the extent they have.
I could sense the change already: they were both incredibly hurtful and I suffered as a result, but now I am viewing them more critically and less intimately.
