The Delicate Balance

I am getting very excited about LP. He’s adorable, attentive, ridiculously successful, and genuinely likes me, not that he actually knows me yet, of course.
In the meantime, I still have a relationship with BFD, though strained and constrained and perhaps irrevocably broken. But, perhaps not.
LP emailed me last night on the way to [...]

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A New New New Man

Things with BFD have been bad for a while.  He’s withdrawn from our relationship and I am aggravated and aggrieved.
In response, I have been shutting down emotionally and making plans to move on.
I have been worried that by sticking with BFD for so long, I may have missed the opportunity to be with someone great.
I [...]

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Miss Congeniality

I am currently obsessed with my workout.  Obviously.  In fact, I am more obsessed with my workout than I am with BFD.
A few weeks ago, we had a new trainer start and I have “beacquaintanced” her, not quite “befriend,” but we are warm.  She speaks to me before and after class, and she is always [...]

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Feeling Good

Nina Simone was playing at the bar tonight where I grabbed a quick post-workout dinner, but I am feeling good.  I really am.
There are a lot of shitty things going on — stress with BFD, financial pressure, problems with BP, etc., ad nauseam, but I am feeling good.
Tonight, I had my Tuesday workout and it [...]

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“My BFD”

It’s getting hard to write lately because I am incredibly busy and when I am not incredibly busy, I am spending slightly less time staring at my navel.
I am just as ego-centric, I am becoming less reflective.  This is not a positive development.
I am still sorta dating BFD, but I was traveling and then he [...]

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An Anniversary of Sorts

A year ago, BFD and I exchanged email for the first time . . . for hours.  It was amazing and led within days to the best first date ever.
Right now, we’re not in a good place.  We may get back there, but we may not.  I am still dating him, still having sex with [...]

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Breaking Out of My Rut (Day 4)

Today has been filled with torrential downpours, storm-related outages, and, for me, a general malaise.
I am in a rut.  I know it.  It’s hard for me to motivate for anything except working out, and part of the motivation is knowing I will see BFD.  (Not a big part, but he is/has been a factor.)
Most of [...]

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Generous

BFD is back in town from visiting his parents and siblings.
I called him at 2 ish at home and he called me back an hour later.  He sounded good — relaxed, healthy.  He asked, as he always does, for the news, wanting to know what he missed while away.  I gave him the briefest mention [...]

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Karmic Whiplash 2

It’s been 18 hours or so since I found out BFD is back on eharmony.
I’ve been combing back through everything, looking for opportunities for him to be lying to me, thinking through every interaction to wonder when things changed and how much they have.  I don’t know when he rejoined.  I don’t know that he’s [...]

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Karmic Whiplash

Last night, I went out with a group of friends and the Alternate Reality.  I scandalized my friends because the AR and I were completely connected.  I saw a photo of us this afternoon, and I can honestly say, I don’t know that I’ve ever looked as happy with anyone as I do in his [...]

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