Morning Thoughts on Day 2

I have read those password protected posts a few times over the past day or so and I have written a follow-up about how I feel and where I think we are. Nothing I have written is any different from the “Not Saying We Go to Zero” post I wrote in the immediate aftermath [...]

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The Break, Day 1

We spoke this morning about business stuff, about personal stuff, and just to hear each other’s voices.
He was making breakfast . . . at 1130 am, which said he was doing as well as I. He stayed up an hour after we spoke, I was up 2 hours after that.
We’re not doing well. [...]

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The Break-Up Posts

We broke up and I am coming to grips with what happened.
Part of me is very conflicted about the whole thing, part of me had been expecting it.
I am still raw and it’s still painful.
I don’t know how I will feel in 2 hours or 2 weeks or 2 days.
It’s not done done and we [...]

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“Not Saying We Go to Zero”

We broke up.  I think.
It is, he said, not much of a relationship at this point.  It’s not my fault, he clarified repeatedly, it’s him.
He is right.  On all counts.
After a cranky conversation this afternoon, followed within 50 minutes by a painful “listen sorry but” email, BFD called me after 11 pm (after he arrived [...]

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Karmic Whiplash 2

It’s been 18 hours or so since I found out BFD is back on eharmony.
I’ve been combing back through everything, looking for opportunities for him to be lying to me, thinking through every interaction to wonder when things changed and how much they have.  I don’t know when he rejoined.  I don’t know that he’s [...]

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Karmic Whiplash

Last night, I went out with a group of friends and the Alternate Reality.  I scandalized my friends because the AR and I were completely connected.  I saw a photo of us this afternoon, and I can honestly say, I don’t know that I’ve ever looked as happy with anyone as I do in his [...]

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Whiplash

I don’t even know what to say or how to start.  My mind is reeling, I am dizzy and nauseated, and I just want to cry, scream, and punch something.
On a whim, I signed on to eharmony, checked BFD’s profile, and he had uploaded a new photo.
I don’t know when, but some time within the [...]

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The BP Affair — One Year Later

Today is one year since the start of my wildly passionate, bizarre and brief romantic relationship with my business partner BP.
In many ways, BP was the perfect first post-A relationship.  He spoiled me, protected me, and wooed me.  He is a cosmopolitan, erudite, successful semi-retired business man.  Tall and handsome, he is a commanding presence [...]

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Reflections on Date 42

So, here’s the thing . . .
His stress and weirdness on which I am giving him a pass for another week is affecting me — and it’s making me think he’s a total asshole.  In fact, I have been telling him he’s an asshole.
I am already envisioning life without him.  I am already moving on.  [...]

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Inner Turmoil

A warning: this is more random and more confused than usual.  I am feeling a little better since I began writing it, but it’s difficult.  I think I am massively overreacting, and yet, perhaps not . . . .
I am having a rough week.  Lots of work, lots of stress and strife.  In the midst [...]

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