Reflections on Date 42

So, here’s the thing . . .
His stress and weirdness on which I am giving him a pass for another week is affecting me — and it’s making me think he’s a total asshole.  In fact, I have been telling him he’s an asshole.
I am already envisioning life without him.  I am already moving on.  [...]

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Attitude Adjusted.

My brain feels functional for the first time in weeks.  The past 3 days, I have been finally getting my head together, which mainly consisted of pulling it out of my “wonderful ass.”
This morning, I had a lovely chat with my long-time, semi-retired business partner BP. I have been slacking, unable to do my job, [...]

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Car Shopping

I am having a bad day at the end of a bad week.  As usual, I am stressed to breaking, except this week I do not have a car, so I have the added stress of negotiating my transportation, which adds an extra layer of suck to an already stressful situation.
It also means I am [...]

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Inner Turmoil

A warning: this is more random and more confused than usual.  I am feeling a little better since I began writing it, but it’s difficult.  I think I am massively overreacting, and yet, perhaps not . . . .
I am having a rough week.  Lots of work, lots of stress and strife.  In the midst [...]

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The SO Bad Conversation 2

Two hours later, I called him under a business pretense, but really because I wanted to talk to him.  We ended the last one okay, but it had been painful and I was reeling a bit.  Plus, I was pondering sending him an email telling him why my friends had felt so comfortable labeling him [...]

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The SO Bad Conversation 1

Today was another busy and crappy day.  Lots of work and family drama, and punctuated by the last conversation I wanted to have with BFD: the SO conversation.
I was home, having just clicked off an annoying conference call, when BFD rang through.  It was 106 pm.
I am not going to remember much else accurately, but [...]

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Words that Haunt/Hurt

I have not yet unpacked my feelings about what he said or figured out what he meant.
Whenever it comes to BFD, I am wildly insecure.  I am incapable of telling him how I feel for fear of rejection, I am incapable of telling him what I want because I am not certain how open he [...]

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A Valediction

I am tempted to send this message to BFD: “in case i don’t tell you often enough, thank you for everything.”  I’ve been staring at the open email for 20 minutes.  It feels like a valediction.
We just had such a strange conversation that I feel the need to cap it with a valediction, to wish [...]

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“Understanding”

I just reread what I wrote and it’s all about BFD. He is making choices that harm our relationship. I am not engaging on these issues for a very simple reason: I understand what he’s doing.
That does not mean that I agree and it does not mean that it’s okay. But, I [...]

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No Clue

I have no idea what is going on with me and BFD. Thursday marked 8 months. He called me in the afternoon to chat. He calls or texts me every day he’s in town.
We have not seen each other in 10 days. Last weekend was our bad weekend. He called [...]

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