Heartbroken (LP)

I know no one wants to hear my laments about LP, but I am so devastated about his absence.  He’s texted me sporadically, but I am convinced he’s gone-gone.   And I am devastated.  Everywhere I look, I see his face.
I should be handling this better, but I am truly crazy about him and his [...]

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Reflections on Date 42

So, here’s the thing . . .
His stress and weirdness on which I am giving him a pass for another week is affecting me — and it’s making me think he’s a total asshole.  In fact, I have been telling him he’s an asshole.
I am already envisioning life without him.  I am already moving on.  [...]

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Attitude Adjusted.

My brain feels functional for the first time in weeks.  The past 3 days, I have been finally getting my head together, which mainly consisted of pulling it out of my “wonderful ass.”
This morning, I had a lovely chat with my long-time, semi-retired business partner BP. I have been slacking, unable to do my job, [...]

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Car Shopping

I am having a bad day at the end of a bad week.  As usual, I am stressed to breaking, except this week I do not have a car, so I have the added stress of negotiating my transportation, which adds an extra layer of suck to an already stressful situation.
It also means I am [...]

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Inner Turmoil

A warning: this is more random and more confused than usual.  I am feeling a little better since I began writing it, but it’s difficult.  I think I am massively overreacting, and yet, perhaps not . . . .
I am having a rough week.  Lots of work, lots of stress and strife.  In the midst [...]

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The SO Bad Conversation 2

Two hours later, I called him under a business pretense, but really because I wanted to talk to him.  We ended the last one okay, but it had been painful and I was reeling a bit.  Plus, I was pondering sending him an email telling him why my friends had felt so comfortable labeling him [...]

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The SO Bad Conversation 1

Today was another busy and crappy day.  Lots of work and family drama, and punctuated by the last conversation I wanted to have with BFD: the SO conversation.
I was home, having just clicked off an annoying conference call, when BFD rang through.  It was 106 pm.
I am not going to remember much else accurately, but [...]

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Words that Haunt/Hurt

I have not yet unpacked my feelings about what he said or figured out what he meant.
Whenever it comes to BFD, I am wildly insecure.  I am incapable of telling him how I feel for fear of rejection, I am incapable of telling him what I want because I am not certain how open he [...]

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A Valediction

I am tempted to send this message to BFD: “in case i don’t tell you often enough, thank you for everything.”  I’ve been staring at the open email for 20 minutes.  It feels like a valediction.
We just had such a strange conversation that I feel the need to cap it with a valediction, to wish [...]

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“Understanding”

I just reread what I wrote and it’s all about BFD. He is making choices that harm our relationship. I am not engaging on these issues for a very simple reason: I understand what he’s doing.
That does not mean that I agree and it does not mean that it’s okay. But, I [...]

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