My Ugly Truth

The past two days have been a whirlwind and an emotional rollercoaster. I have still not fully processed everything and I still have things seared into my memory and other little moments are bubbling up to the surface.
In addition to the emotional upheaval and drama with BFD, I have been dealing with a crushing [...]

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Date Zero with LP

Tonight, I saw LP for the first time in 8 months. I was home after a long afternoon with BP (during which I admitted that BFD and I had split [although not completely, so all of this is wonderful and complicated . . . argh]) and everything else canceled, so he texted me to [...]

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The Delicate Balance

I am getting very excited about LP. He’s adorable, attentive, ridiculously successful, and genuinely likes me, not that he actually knows me yet, of course.
In the meantime, I still have a relationship with BFD, though strained and constrained and perhaps irrevocably broken. But, perhaps not.
LP emailed me last night on the way to [...]

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A New New New Man

Things with BFD have been bad for a while.  He’s withdrawn from our relationship and I am aggravated and aggrieved.
In response, I have been shutting down emotionally and making plans to move on.
I have been worried that by sticking with BFD for so long, I may have missed the opportunity to be with someone great.
I [...]

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Miss Congeniality

I am currently obsessed with my workout.  Obviously.  In fact, I am more obsessed with my workout than I am with BFD.
A few weeks ago, we had a new trainer start and I have “beacquaintanced” her, not quite “befriend,” but we are warm.  She speaks to me before and after class, and she is always [...]

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The BP Affair — One Year Later

Today is one year since the start of my wildly passionate, bizarre and brief romantic relationship with my business partner BP.
In many ways, BP was the perfect first post-A relationship.  He spoiled me, protected me, and wooed me.  He is a cosmopolitan, erudite, successful semi-retired business man.  Tall and handsome, he is a commanding presence [...]

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The SO Bad Conversation 1

Today was another busy and crappy day.  Lots of work and family drama, and punctuated by the last conversation I wanted to have with BFD: the SO conversation.
I was home, having just clicked off an annoying conference call, when BFD rang through.  It was 106 pm.
I am not going to remember much else accurately, but [...]

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“Take a Stand and Tell Him”

Part of my planning nature is always planning an exit.  A quick, painless getaway.  To that end, I’ve made zero commitment to BFD.  The pain, the love, the emotion I express here: absent in real life.  I have never told him how I feel.
N-e-v-e-r.
To be honest, I’ve never demonstrated it much either.

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Today’s Existential Crisis …

I am still in the middle of it.  I am on the verge of tears, or crying, or bravely Not Crying, or blinking back Tears That Aren’t There.
I have no idea what is going on, all I know is I am losing my mind.
I was at the fancy mall returning a pair of fab gold [...]

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A Non-Date — Date 37

I am loath to call this a date because it’s not.  In fact, I was not prepared at all for what happened.  It’s clear that BFD and I are no longer dating, and probably haven’t been for a while.  We are in a relationship, so counting tonight as a date is a bit absurd.  And [...]

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