Today is a bad day. My cupboard is almost bare. The funds I should have received on Friday are not available until tomorrow morning, so I am freaked out. The only thing that truly freaks me out is the absence of food and, if I do not get money in, that’s where I would be tomorrow.

So, what did I do? I started revising my résumé. I realized I had not revised it in years! Like 5 years to be exact. I’ve written short bios since then for proposals and presentations, but I have not prepared and mailed a résumé in perhaps 10 years. Actually, since receiving my first job out of law school, I’ve never sent résumés out or done a job search. I’ve always been recruited.

While I was at my lowest depths this afternoon, BP called and said, “hey, can you send me a résumé? I need to write one for my daughter.” Ha. Lucky for him, I had one close at hand, along with the ones I receive monthly from lawyers offering to clerk for me or to work for me as an associate. (The poor deluded kids.)

I became a bit emotional, saying look, this cannot happen. I should not be in a position where I am concerned about eating. He agreed and asked how much I needed to fix it. Sadly, I’ve been telling him about this for weeks, and it never registered with him. I know I am not a high priority, but damn. He also forgot that I had a family reason to fly to NY. He said, oh, so you’re going? I had to tell him that I cannot think about going to NY if I do not have enough money to feed myself!

I know it’s hard for someone who is rich to understand what it is like to be poor. Heck, it’s hard for me to be poor, knowing how differently I have lived my life. As I said to BP, look, I used to regularly drop $1,500 on clothes and shoes in a day, every couple of months. I never thought my life could be like this. But this is where I am, and, frankly, I was on the brink of either true hunger or having to break my diet to eat veggie hotdogs and roasted chickpeas. I know, again, not true true hunger. But, damn. I have $2 in cash. That’s it.

Tomorrow, I will have enough cash on hand to grocery shop, put gas in my car, and exhale. After that, who knows.

Q, one of my best friends, called earlier in the afternoon while I was writing my resume to pitch me on a new concept he and JF created over the weekend. It is just genius. Well, it could be genius, with some refinement and vision, which is where I come in. I mentioned the project BP and I did last year and from which we were fired. He laughed at the idiocy of our partners on that deal (they did not understand that we needed capital to fulfill the contracts we’d negotiated on their behalf), but I really think we can repurpose the new concept into something workable, perhaps even using some of the sponsors we had already lined up. Good stuff.

Still, I need to refine my resume and to see if I can find a version of my job that pays me what I deserve.

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