This is another emotional day, with still no regular internet service or voip phone.
A and I had lunch together. It was a planned thing, since he wanted to be sure I was okay and everything had been emotional the day before.
Being A, he forgot that he was supposed to bring over lunch (I was hoping for a salad from Taco Deli). Instead, we went to Whole Foods. It was wickedly crowded, so I ended up picking up some staples from the grocery (salad greens and feta) and adding some grilled asparagus salad from their salad bar. He had a 4 cheese pizza.
He can’t believe how skinny I am. I am wearing an old favorite size 6 sundress and it is swimming on me. I wore it to the grocery store — since I have been wearing it all day — and it’s one of those “every man’s head turns” type dresses. Also, I can wear heels comfortably again, so I no longer feel incredibly short.
A has a therapist. Finally. She told him to give up his “p.o.w. mentality” and start appreciating his life. Finally. I volunteered to speak with her, which he said would not be necessary.
I am sad that the things we’re figuring out, we did not figure out when we were still together. Still, it might be worth revisiting once we are both actually employed and our lives are more stable. I still love him very, very much, and I cannot imagine ever being closer to some guy than I am to him. He gets me, remembers me as my best self, and suffered through some of my colossally bad decisions right along with me as I suffered through his. The guys have decided that we’re reconciling, but they do not know the issues we were dealing with before, and how difficult it would be for us to get back together. Ah, well. Sometimes, it just does not work out.
After being out of contact and never hearing back from BP, I finally asked my friends for help today. So today was the intervention, but there was no cake. We sat upstairs at our favorite spot, while they expressed themselves about everything. It was a bit emotional, but I kept it together. It was just me and JF and E. I love them both very much. They are going to help me get things right. They are insulted that I was hesitant to ask them for help. They want to see me move on into some new quickly.
I am actually excited about the possibilities available to me.
JF walked me to my car after we were together for 5 hours and E had long ago left with his amazing girlfriend, who we all adore. He told me why they were all so concerned and gave me more of the someone so smart/talented should not have to worry about basic things. It’s not about the money, but it’s about doing something interesting while surviving. It was good advice. Like all of them, JF is very dear to me, but I have probably had more heart to heart conversations with him than with the other two.
In general, I ate well today. I had an onion and spring mix frittata with feta cheese for breakfast. I had a turkey burger on greens with roasted asparagus salad from Whole Foods, with 1 tbs apple cider vinaigrette, and 5/8 oz feta.
For dinner, I had one piece of calamari (after carefully removing the batter) and then 4 mini burgers with blue cheese. I only ate the burgers and not the buns. It had a little remoulade mixed in. At E’s insistence, I had a glass of chardonnay.
Since I have been home, I have eaten 3 tbs of peanuts.
I really wanted to eat and eat and eat and I was craving salt. I should have known at that moment that pms was about to end. And it did.
I hope next week I will be less emotional and less craving of salty food.