I am so very busy I cannot quite wrap my mind around everything that must happen within the next six weeks. My two week vacation — looks like it’s not happening. Instead, I am going to fly my mother in and spend a few days at the spa, which makes me so very happy.

Waking up to a sparklingly clean kitchen is the absolute best. I have been so busy and on the road that I have just not been as fastidious. I spent about 30 minutes last night cleaning, putting all the tea tins away instead of stacked next to the kettle, and scrubbing the sink and counters. This morning, I happily spent 8 minutes cooking and making my tea because everything was so sparkly and fresh.

Every time I think I am grotesquely fat, I am 3-5 days from getting my period. It’s all in my head. Another sign of pms: eating 1000 calories of nuts compulsively. During pms, I think I am sticking to my least favorite — sunflower seeds. Anything else, I absolutely inhale like oreos — a tablespoon here, followed by another 10 minutes later, repeat.

My brain works better on black tea. I was feeling completely unfocused yesterday afternoon with a huge letter to finish. Yesterday afternoon, I made a cup and a half of golden yunnan using every last molecule in the tin and it gave me the kick start I needed. On one hand, it sucks to be dependent on something to get focused when I am feeling tired and disconnected. On the other hand, I am happy it’s just excellent organic black tea.

The deal is happening and I am slowly freaking out. I am focusing on the two or three steps ahead so that I can keep moving. When I stop and think a few weeks out, it’s completely overwhelming. I have a lot to do and only I can do it. No pressure at all.

The best thing about running your own company is the ability to say to friends and family: if you want one, you will always have an opportunity here. I made the overture to my cousins last weekend and to one of the guys yesterday. All of them are interested. I am surprised by my friend’s interest, but at this point, I do not think I can afford him. (His debt level is HIGH and it’s affecting his job choices.) Still, he would be outstanding and I might be able to put together a package for him.

I am fully returning to my roots. When A and I were together, and even before, I sublimated some of my taste and style choices to be more casual. Then, the fatter I got, the less I wanted to stand out. Those days are over. I like to dress and I had always been known for my style. At brunch, I wore a beautiful sheath dress, fully lined, and made of a cotton that has a silky sheen. As always, I had a sweater around my shoulders. The comments I heard were “you look like the J Crew catalog” and “why aren’t you wearing pearls?” It’s all sightly subversive to have a preppy, Southern, slightly conservative look, in very figure-conscious cuts. It’s all pencil skirts and sheath dresses with super high heels. In a meeting last week, an investor said “I just love watching you walk.” My focus is appearing very ladylike, with an undercurrent of sexy. So far, so good.

Though I am over A, I cannot imagine anyone in the world better for me than him.

My life with A was different than the life I am creating now. I am casually looking at houses/condos/garden homes/townhouses. I will probably move within the next 5-6 months although I have not decided whether to rent or buy with the market shaky. Anyway, looking at new places to live without A is weird. We have slightly different taste because we live in slightly different worlds. For him, location is the biggest factor. For me, it’s how a space feels. I love my place now, but it’s lacking a garage and it needs more presence. I hate that is important for my job, but it is. I am conflicted because I love my neighborhood but I cannot afford to buy a house here. That’s not exactly accurate: the housing prices here are absurd — 1800 sq ft houses with zero charm for over 750k. I can get slightly bigger or charming by moving 2 miles away into older, more established neighborhoods or much bigger by moving 2 miles west into the burbs. I do not even need to leave the general area to greatly improve my housing choices. After all, I can just drive 5 minutes to the park, but the idea of having the park right here is beguiling. I just do not know that it is worth getting a kinda ugly ranch house or teensy bungalow to stay here.

I am still not at my goal weight, though I expect to be there in the next few days. I am close enough that everyone assumes I am there. My next goal: reincorporating fitness. I wanted to hit my goal on diet alone and then get fit. Crazy? Probably, but it’s the truth.

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