Tonight, I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and thought for the first time in years: “I am thin.”

I had thrown on my size 4 high-waisted, wide-legged jeans to walk to the store and they were loose.  Not unwearable, falling down loose, but definitely looser than they’ve been.  Ever.  Shoes I bought a couple of years ago but had always been too tight across the bridge of my foot fit beautifully.

I was so surprised I called my mother to tell her that I actually might be thin.  Her response: “well, you weigh nothing . . . ”

(Ahem, according to the BMI, I am still “normal.”  Dammit.)

That’s the thing with body image — it’s impossible to know how you actually look.  I still do not really know, but I know that pants that I rarely wore back when I was thin now look dynamite.  My favorite French jacket (size 8 ) that I bought for $150 at the Neiman’s Outlet is so big I cannot wear it.  The sleeves are too long, the waist is too wide, and it’s just silly looking.  I pulled on the jeans I bought 30 pounds ago (at Christmas) and they are absurd.  No belt in the world could save them, not that I would care to, which is why I bought them at Target for $15.

I can wear chic little ensembles I’ve owned for years — pencil skirts, cropped jackets, sheath dresses, etc. — updated with other pieces to modernize the silhouette or look.  BP is constantly fascinated by my evolving wardrobe choices — little flirty dresses, shorter skirts, slimmer cuts.  He especially loves my dress collection — paired with a scarf or a little jacket or sweater, they work great for a more casual summer office, but with the matching or complementary jacket, they are formal business attire.

My mother has sent some new pieces to me — a white patent leather 3/4 length trench-style raincoat, a chic cotton 3/4 length trench-style jacket with a great pattern, and new scarves from her Italy trip.  They have integrated well — especially the raincoat.  I wore it with a red sundress recently on a rainy night and it was a huge hit.

I am almost to the size I want to be to begin investing in new pieces.  I have just a few more pounds to go.  With travel, life, and pms, my weight fluctuates 3-5 pounds a month, so I would rather fluctuate up to this weight than down to it.

I am still surprised to have looked in the mirror and really liked how I looked.  Now, I know I have been able to wear clothes well for a couple of months, but there has been a change or maybe I am just now seeing it.  I look different.  I look thin-ish.  I am still not skinny, but I am not “average” either, no matter what the BMI says.

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