We are hours away from the big meeting and I am completely unprepared.  I have tried to prepare, but I have been stymied by BP.

There is a lot of money riding on the results and I am not certain we will prevail.

BP has been a bit distracted dealing with some undisclosed personal issues.  He said he is moving things around internally.  Whatever.  All I know is I still have no idea what I am presenting.

Essentially, I am prepared.  I am aware of our original presentation and we’re basically presenting the same thing again, but with more detail.  It’s just that the stakes are so unbelievably high.

I hurt my mother’s feelings on Saturday.  She has been putting a tremendous amount of pressure on me lately, though she does not think she is.  I asked her a general question about where she thought I should go on vacation and she was hurt I did not want her to come with me.  I said, look, we’re going to do a trip, but it will not be the first one because I really need an opportunity to get away and refresh my brain.  She started planning out — let’s go here, let’s go there.  I pulled her back a bit to say, look, we can do that, but we’re not doing it ultra-luxury.  If she had her way, we’d take a long trip every 2 months (or more).  That’s great, but I do not have that kind of time.  Plus, I might want to travel with someone else from time to time, Mom.

What she does not understand is that if we do not succeed in this meeting today, I will lose more than 2/3 of my fee for this deal.  I have to recalibrate everything — housing, car, and vacations with my mother.  Everything has to be scaled back.  She just does not get it.  Yes, it’s still a lot of money.  She did throw in a gratuitous, you won’t take on another deal like this again!  Um, yeah, I will.  This is actually what I do for a job.  Not every deal works.  Not every project reaches fruition.

I need to print a bunch of crap for the meeting, but BP has not yet told me his final changes or the ultimate tone for the final presentation.  I am trying not to freak out, but that’s a bit challenging.

Within 12 hours, I will be back and it will be done.