I miss him.
I cannot help it.
I’ve been thinking about him all afternoon. I am considering telling him that I miss him, but I just do not think it’s appropriate right now. It’s a new thing. It’s not been going on long enough for me to say “I miss you because I haven’t seen you today.” That would be absurd. I am not his girlfriend . . . we’re just dating. Still, I miss him.
I am trying hard not to fall for him.
My mother is not helping — she just sent me Pablo Neruda’s 100 Love Sonnets. Like I can read them and not think of him! It’s hard enough for me to not think of his smile when he looks at me, the feel of his lips on mine, the sound of his whispering in my ear.
I know there are problems, difficulties, challenges. We are so close in so many ways and I know that everything I think and write here will eventually be a topic of conversation. We confront difficult subjects. We generally reach accord.
So here it is: It’s been 2 days and I genuinely miss him. I am sad I did not kiss him goodbye when he checked me in at the airport (we were a bit rushed and tense though he stood with me for 20 minutes as the skycap did his thing and upgraded me). I am anxious to see him again, but it will probably not be for another week (if not more). He is not in town, and he is traveling all week for meetings and through the weekend for the opening game (to which I’ve not been invited).
I have decided to fill my week with friends and parties to make it all easier. I will be here, thinking of him, and missing him, while trying to keep it all to myself.