I am getting all goofy about the new new man, so my friends have all asked the (im)pertinent: what about BP?
My romantic relationship with BP was always going to be temporary. We were both trying to keep it light. We’re very close friends. We are attracted to each other. We love each other. He was never going to be the one. We toyed with the idea that we could have a real life together, but it occurred to me when BP became ill that things were not going to change. It’s been 5 or 6 weeks since we went on a date, more than a month since he kissed me. Now, a lot of that had to do with his illness, but he has not been aching to get back here. (In fact, he did not believe me when I told him how long it had been since he’d been in town.)
We had a talk about 3.5 weeks ago where he told me that he was not in love with me. I knew that, of course, and I am not in love with him, but the new information was that we were “just messing around.” I did not necessarily believe him, as it is exactly the type of thing he would lie about to create distance. Still that is what he told me and it hardened me towards him — perhaps, permanently.
It was then that I decided to date other people. After all, BP had given me carte blanche to do so. If it’s casual, it’s casual. He thinks every man I know wants to sleep with me — simply because he does. He mentioned that he thought I was seeing other people, but I assume he just said that to get a reaction.
For BP and I to have slept together, he would have wanted me to only be with him, though he would not have made the same pledge to me. That’s the main reason I kept delaying it. It’s not that there was no opportunity or desire — both were there. It’s that I knew that I was unwilling to take that step knowing I would just be one of his women. Instead, I am happy to say we have not gone there.
BP is very selfish and very possessive, which is why my friends are concerned. They think that, despite his talk, he will be extremely displeased if I begin seeing someone else.
Let’s be honest, though. It is likely that BP would assume that my seeing someone else would have nothing to do with him — that it would be no impediment to his interest. Further honesty: I do believe he loves me and wants me to be happy. He knows he’s very wrong for me. The new new man might be pretty much exactly what BP would want for me — smart, interesting, successful, and frankly has beneficial connections for BP. (At least, that will be part of my pitch if it were to become a problem.)
I hope he would be relieved to know I have moved on, so long as he believes I will still be available for him work-wise.
I still love BP and I am still attracted to him, but I am ready to move on. Whether my new new man is the right man or not, BP is not my future.