I was thinking today that with all of the things BP is doing without me that I would be losing him . . . really that I would be losing one of my best friends. I have been really devastated about the idea of going on without him. It’s something I have been dealing with for a while.
He is working on a few things that have nothing to do with me. He has come to town and not seen me. I have felt his absence strongly and, at his implicit direction, moved on from him romantically. I dated first N (fail) and then BFD (who has disappeared for the past few days).
Tonight, he came into town and took me to dinner, though I thought we were having a meeting. It’s the first time I’ve seen him in 6 or 7 weeks.
We went to Magnolia, which he loves. We usually go there late late late, but we hit it at about 9:30. I was actually nervous. Like fidgety and nervous while sitting across from him in the booth. He is so important to me in so many ways and I had really missed him.
BP is not happy with my weight loss. I knew he wouldn’t be. He made me tell him the number as we got out of the car. Then he asked me what I weighed on the trip in early August when he thought I looked my best. It’s 7 pounds less.
In the restaurant, as he got a better look at me. He said I look like a little kid, which made him feel like a pedophile. I know it shouldn’t have made me laugh, but it did. He thinks I am waaaaay too skinny. He also thinks I look younger, so the fact I am now ass-less is mitigated somewhat. He just kept saying you look so small, like a tiny version of yourself, you’re like “Little Planner.” I had no idea 7 pounds would make such a big difference but he could not get over it.
We spoke about some of the things he has planned, some of the travel he’s doing with me, some of the travel he’s doing without me, and why I am not included in some of his new ventures.
I realized at that point that really nothing has changed between us.
When we got back, he had me get out of the car so he could properly check me out. Apparently, he watches me walk each time, so he felt he could better judge by looking at me as he often looks at me. Yes, he is ridiculous.
I slid back into the car for his evaluation. Still displeased, he felt my arms, legs, ribs, and told me he thought 130 was a great weight for me (I now weight 121). We agreed I would lose no more weight.
Then, he kissed me, which took me a bit by surprise, although since he’d been poking at me, I suppose it shouldn’t have. I had forgotten how much I enjoy kissing him. He laughed and said my mouth is smaller. We broke the kiss a few times. I reintiated it a couple of times, which he loved, as did he. Kissing him is different than kissing BFD, who is much more insistent and aggressive. BP and I have not kissed really in two months. He was heading off elsewhere, so we stopped after just a few minutes, but it felt great to kiss him again. Feeling his lips on mine, his tongue . . . it’s all so wonderful.
I suppose I am still dating him, though I have all the usual “we have no future” caveats. Still, he has been saying that things are changing and implying that he may be more available. Who knows.
At this point, I am back to dating him. I may still be dating BFD if he ever contacts me again, although it’s not looking good at this point. The great thing about dating is that I can date more than one person.
Aftet two months apart, it is clear BP is back.