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Well, I am shocked.  I figured I would have gained today, since I had a burger (no bun), chips, a glass of wine, and a huge chocolate chip cookie.

I am down .8 from yesterday and my body fat is down, too.

I know I need to eat more, but I am struggling with it.  I saw BFD last night, more on that later, and he’s just so obsessed with his own weight.  We split two cookies over the course of an hour, with him announcing to everyone that he’s dieting starting [today].  He meant it, too.  I actually get excited when he talks about dieting and I ask him what and how he eats, rather than reminding him that he has under 10% body fat, an “8 pack,” and is in flawless shape. Next to him, I feel gargantuan.

Like with Q in The Last Time I Had an Eating Disorder, I do not mind sharing food/body issues with my guy.  It makes it so much easier when he doesn’t look terribly askance at how I eat.  I wonder if BFD tested me last night though by handing me half a cookie.  He pays attention to how I eat — and I have not hidden it from him.  He asked me the last time we had dinner what i ate for “empty carbs” because he noticed I ate only sashimi and vegetables.  I told him I eat cake . . . an answer he really seemed to like.

I know I need to eat more, but I like how I look.  I like how I feel.  I am being careful.  My new floor is 118, which used to be my “best weight.”  I am not actively trying to lose weight, but if I do, then I will not go below 118.

I have told my friends that I am concerned.

I tried on jeans today with E’s girlfriend.  White jeans — skinny, low-waisted, size 4.  They looked great.  Some 4s were too big.  I am definitely a 2/4.  I really do not need to be much smaller.

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