It’s the weirdest feeling . . . I know I am falling for BFD. I can feel it in everything.
I think about him all the time. I wandered through the supermarket with my mother, and all I could think about was being with BFD. I went shopping (again) and could not stop thinking about him. Now, in my defense, I was shopping for new underwear, but still, I could not stop thinking about him.
I am supposed to be back tomorrow evening. When we spoke tonight, he said that he would pick me up from the airport, drive me home, and have his way with me. Now that I have told him that we can have sex without a big production, it’s like a whole new world has opened up for him.
I told him how much I was looking to be back in town. He asked, are you looking forward to be back in town or back home? I told him I was looking forward to being back in town, back in my own house, and back with him. I know he was fishing for me to say I miss him.
Tonight’s conversation was amazing . . . because it achieved new levels of normalcy. We laughed, we flirted (but barely), and I impressed him with my knowledge of indie bands, correctly identifying what he listened to in the background. (He forgets that music is my passion.) I guessed the band immediately, though they are terribly obscure. We talked a little about our days, a little about music, a surprising amount about television, a little about fashion (he is now thinking he needs to add a bit to his wardrobe since I am adding to mine, especially since I teased him that I had to buy new jeans for him).
Toward the end, he said he really didn’t have much else to say, so I said, oh, I have something interesting . . . and I told him about a new cooking project and what I made for dinner tonight and last week. He said, oh, I thought you had something interesting. We were both laughing and I said well, I would think a man who hears that would think he had some good new meals in his future.
There were so many times tonight when I had to hold myself back from just blurting out how I feel about him, without even realizing how I felt until I had to prevent the words from coming out. I am falling for him and I think he is falling for me, too.
All of a sudden, he’s my boyfriend. All of a sudden, I cannot imagine anything better than being with him. I don’t know when the shift happened exactly for him but we’re no longer eyeing each other as warily, we’re no longer holding each other at arm’s length. We’re being more open, more goofy, more affectionate. I can feel I am falling for him.