I do not yet have a groom, but I found the dress.
My mother and I were wandering through galleries when I saw a beautiful gown in the window of a shop. I walked in and was blown away by the quality of what she had. I shouldn’t have been surprised. Though my hometown can appear a podunk place, it is sophisticated.
I flipped through some of her gowns and I found the perfect one. It’s gorgeous, elegant, flawless, and about $4k, which seems terribly reasonable since it’s all lace and pearls and fabulousness.* It’s perfect and would look amazing on me.
The woman who owned the shop asked me where we were getting married and the answer just rolled off my tongue. I have already envisioned it there. She mentioned that some venues book early, but I know that were BFD and I to marry, it would happen quickly and we would have it wherever we damn well pleased. I also know he could not think of a better place. It’s slightly unexpected, intensely personal, and utterly perfect for us. It’s meaningful in a few ways.
Absurd to be thinking this way already? Perhaps, but I know we’re on that path. BFD and I are crazy about each other and we both want to get married and settle down. I know we would be signing an ironclad prenup, at both of our insistence. We are both getting older and now is the time. Once we decide, it would move quickly. There is no reason to wait.
I know he sees himself being married with a child within the next 18 months. That sounds about right, especially for us — I am younger than he, but my age is the bigger concern.
There are many potential obstacles, but we keep moving ahead, thinking about each other, and growing closer every single day.
I spoke with him very briefly tonight. He’d been on the road working a deal for one of his companies, but not the one I assumed. He was happy that it had gone well, but exhausted from the daytrip. I am exhausted from all the drinking I did this afternoon with my mother. BFD has become so dear to me that I look forward to speaking with him every evening. Tonight was the shortest conversation we’ve had in a long time — about 5 minutes. Still, we covered everything we needed to and expressed support for each other, and he called me another new pet name. He has not yet settled on one, which I find truly adorable.
Our conversation last night was a little strange. As I told him I was delayed by at least two more days, and perhaps for another week, he immediately jumped into business mode because he knew I was upset about having to work instead of being with him, which upset me further. Like why can’t he just be all pissed off that we can’t see each other instead of so damned supportive all the time. Of course, when the situation has been reversed I did the same thing. We’re just that way. He is super supportive of me and I am super supportive of him.
Tonight, he was again very encouraging about my trip, though it does mean that we may go more than three weeks without seeing each other. The absence is just not a big deal, as we knew we would be spending plenty of time apart for the holidays. It doesn’t make our relationship any less secure. If anything, it has made it more secure because we have to reach out to each other to stay connected and we know it’s not just about the physical connection.
He is an amazing person, but there is a weird thing: there are times he is so specific with me about his finances that it makes me a bit uncomfortable. I was not raised to discuss money. Ever. He is very open about what he spends and what he contributes to one thing or another. He wants me to know everything. I asked my mother today post-gym if she thought that was something he did all the time or specific to me. It’s hard to know of course, but she suggested he would have an entourage if he were so openly discussing his life with everyone. He is very generous, very philanthropic, and very successful. I know how much he is contributing to his companies, to his giving plan, and to specific personal projects. I also know what he is paying in rent on one of his places. I think it’s weird, but my mother thinks it is a continuing part of his wooing of me — letting me into every aspect of his life and building a solid foundation. He wants me to know that he’s stable and secure, which in these difficult economic times and in his primary industry is unusual.
Perhaps he wants me to know how comfortable he is because he wants me to be a part of his life and his decisions. That is a natural progression. If we continue, I will be a part of his world, as he becomes a part of mine. We are already inviting each other to things — for me, social and cultural things; for him, business things. He has been very willing to accompany me to things he finds uninteresting because I want to go.
We are already deeply involved in each other’s lives. He has allowed me to know very specific things about his deals and has shared his management strategies and discussed with me how he is handling certain things and people. I have told him specifically with whom I am meeting and what our strategy is — things I would never have told anyone else except maybe A. I am still reserved in what I tell him, but he wants to be involved in the process, wants to understand what I am doing, and I think in part wants to mentor me, which is something I would welcome gladly. He wants to know more and I need to be less reticent. Part of my hesitation is that my projects are in fields so lightweight compared to his that I feel silly even discussing them. That’s something I will need to get over, and quickly. If it’s not a big deal for him, I should not make it a big deal for me.
As I wandered through galleries, I found things that I really liked and that I hoped he would like, noting the specific artists so I could show them to him before I bought anything. Each painting was more expensive than the gown, so it’s not like I am buying any of it soon, but there were a couple of things that felt right. Including his opinion seemed natural to me and his collection was on my mind as I pondered. Like with the furniture the day before, I am no longer thinking of my life in a vacuum. While he’s not a determining factor, he does get a voice and big decisions would not be made separate from him. I would tell him before I bought new living room furniture for my place, for example, and solicit his input. In the end, it would be my stuff in my condo, but I would want his opinion.
I am kind of kicking my own ass as I write this because it’s still so early in our relationship. Today was two months since our first date — the best first date ever. The fact that I could envision a wedding, a venue, a gown, etc. is ridiculous, but it is what happened. There are just certain things I know. If things continue, I know exactly what we will do.
There are still many hurdles, but everything feels solid and stable. And I found my wedding gown.
* No I cannot see myself buying a wedding gown for that much money. I have always been very anti-wedding industrial complex. But this is the dress I would want were I to do so.