BFD and I have been dating for two months now and have had seven dates.
Yesterday, I flew back into town to see him. We had discussed all week long him picking me up from the airport, but my flight kept getting moved. It’s what enabled me to think, okay, I guess he’s my boyfriend. My flight yesterday was a 2 am decision by me and BP, so I emailed him my flight info, left voicemail from my gate there, and texted from the plane.
He did not show.
At no point did I specifically say to him that I wanted him to pick me up (because we had already discussed it), so he assumed I would head home and speak to him later. After calling and texting with no response, I jumped in a cab 45 minutes later. He texted horrified when we were five minutes into our journey to apologize and offer to pick me up — he was in a business lunch and had his phone on silent. I texted him “in cab figured we miscommunicated.” Earlier, he had texted a my phone number to find out if I needed a ride. Not my cell phone, my phone number, which does not receive texts.
While in the cab, I received from him 4 texts in a row and a call apologizing again and saying he would reimburse me the cab fare.
My cabbie laughed the entire way. He also told me I was very understanding.
BFD showed up last night around 5:30. He walked in and we immediately had sex. Like, I opened the door, we started kissing, he grabbed my ass, and we were naked in about 2 minutes. Hey, it had been two weeks since we had seen each other. I can tell he is mostly recovered from his injury because he is becoming more athletic again. I told him very specifically when something was great and overall it was very, very good, though not great. At my place, it always feels a bit rushed because of cat issues. I will say it was very intimate and we spent a lot of time wrapped around each other. After, I laid in his arms for a few minutes while we discussed where to go for dinner. He thinks he’s fat, so he wanted something light. He is insane.
Once I got dressed again and fixed my makeup only slightly — there is nothing quite like that post-coital glow, we headed off to an elegant pan-Asian restaurant nearby. When we arrived, it was empty, so we were seated next to each other where we could see the game over the bar in the distance.
The meal was great. The conversation was weird.
He asked me what makes sex good for a woman and we had a long, philosophical discussion about it, sprinkling in information about the relationships we have had. It was a little awkward and weird, I thought, and I was a little insulted by some of the things he said, especially about how men are only attracted to young, attractive women. He believes sex is more emotional for women than for men based purely on the physical act itself.
There were a few interesting parts of the conversation. We are monogamous, as I had assumed, as had he. We’re both vigilant about std testing but never discussed it with each other. He also did not discuss it with the last two women he was involved with in the last town in which he lived. We had each dated people older than we when we were in our 20s. I told him about the types of people I had dated, which can be a bit intimidating for some men, but he seemed to handle it okay.
After we got back here, he handed me $30 in cash to cover the cab, which is exactly what it cost sans tip, though I hadn’t mentioned it to him, walked me up and kissed me good night (inside my place). We discussed possibly getting together tonight, but I knew it was extremely unlikely.
I was left cold by the date. I am not 100% certain why. He thinks it was a good date, but I was a little uncomfortable about the whole conversation. This morning, I ended up calling him and saying, hey, I sorry I got confused and think I missed the point of the conversation. (After an hourlong conversation with my mother, I was convinced it was all about his feelings of inadequacy, which certainly came up repeatedly in the discussion and over the past week or so. He’s not large, but I think he’s perfect, which I have told him. Repeatedly. And that I am very satisfied. Repeatedly.) He said, no, really, it was just a philosophical discussion and why can’t we (people) discuss sex and intimacy without it being uncomfortable. I said, of course we can, I just was confused when you said you were frustrated I was not answering your question. Something he denies saying. Anyway, I think things are still fine between us, though he thinks I am a bit girlie — in a bad way.
Something I am tired about: he never compliments me on how I look. Ever. I am kinda hot, especially last night in a pair of great jeans, high heeled oxfords, a complicated fabulous blouse. I looked great. Oh, and new lingerie, which was sexy as hell. I mentioned to him, as I put them back on, that he hadn’t even noticed.
I am not good with calling to invite him to do things, but I do call him regularly every night around 930 pm. We usually speak for 20 minutes, though sometimes less. It works for us. We spoke very early this evening when I asked if he wanted me to make dinner, but he declined for work. I was kind of relieved because I needed a day alone to unwind. It’s been two weeks since I have had time completely alone. Anyway, I told him then that I would speak to him later. I called early because I am still exhausted and caught him on a call. `I must sound tired because he sounded immediately concerned and asked what was wrong.
After a truly awful few days, my date with him last night was an absolute bright spot. I told him that just now on the phone and he said almost exasperated: “Plan, you don’t have to say that every time. Something is going to happen at some point and you’re not going to say it and it will cause problems. Just relax and get some sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”
He is the boyfriend, I suppose, which makes my comment absurd to him. I keep thinking we’re dating, but it’s more than that. I need to accept it and just go with it.
I had a very rough few days and I was gone for too long. He said he doesn’t know how I do it. He works well on the road, but I reminded him I was not on the road for work, so it made work that much harder. He is struggling to get a lot done this week so he can head out of town for the weekend. It’s important to him, so I am hoping he makes it, even though it means I won’t see him.
It’s funny that things between us are to him more solid than they are to me, even though I was the one looking at wedding dresses just four days ago. BFD is right: I just need to relax.