Yesterday, I spent a lovely afternoon on the trail with Jerk Face, who perhaps knows and loves me best among all of my friends.
It was only to him I could confide that I love BFD. I do. I actually love him. It has been happening for a couple of weeks. I have been posting here about how I am falling for him, and I am.
BFD called me yesterday morning from his weekend trip. It was snowing and he was driving, so it was a very brief conversation. As I hung up the phone, I said aloud to the empty room: “I love him.”
We are laying groundwork for the love thing. We have started tossing the word around: “I love when you …” or “I love your …” I might be wrong because it’s been a long time, but it feels like groundwork.
I go back to our earliest discussions and I am still amazed by how serious it has been since the beginning. He wrote to me before we met about the transformative nature of a serious relationship and expressed, eloquently, how he longed for that connection. We exchanged, that first day, three or four long, essential emails each and he asked me out for 3 days later.
I wrote to my mother on that day at the midpoint of our exchange: “i am in love. ok, not really, but i am conversing with an excellent guy.”
Three days after our first date, I wrote to my cousin T, who is more like my little sister, that I went out with “the man I’d like to marry. No, seriously.
Sadly, I am certain many other women feel the same way about him, but still, wow. We met on eharmony last week and were instantly interested, which only increased through email and phone. …. Who knows what will happen, but I am borderline smitten. He’s fascinating.”
JF asked me yesterday on the trail before I told him how I felt “so, where would you get married? Would it be a destination or in your hometown or what?” Now, he might have been fishing, and I told him I hadn’t thought about it. He called me on my lie, so I told him about my wedding dress experience and how naturally the venue rolled off my tongue.
At that point, I told him how I really felt. I asked if he thought it was too soon. He was so encouraging. He reminded me BFD is a very serious guy and that we would not be together if this were not serious.
It’s true. I mean, I don’t know about the marriage thing . . . there are issues we would need to sort out — not the least of which is his wealth. I can talk myself out of it and make myself crazy, but the bottom line is that we are here, we are in this relationship, and we are building something important together.
I do not know when I will next see BFD. It may be the beginning of January before we are next in each other’s presence. Whenever it is, I know we’re together and we’re solid. I know that I love him, though I cannot imagine when I might tell him that.