I finally heard from BFD this morning, when he responded back to a text message I sent this morning.
We exchanged a series of texts, so I know he’s here and he’s ill. It was hard to tell if he left for two days or if he never left.
It’s very much true to who he is and his normal behavior to just focus on himself and not reach out when he is ill. It happened with his injury (and his subsequent depression).
I have to keep evaluating if I want to be with him. I am just not sure. I mean, I care deeply for him — in fact, I love him — but I reached out to him in a time of difficulty for me, and he was not there. He still seems unconcerned. I mean, I left him assuring messages that all was well after the original crisis, but his lack of concern hurts me.
We knew going in that these weeks were going to be very challenging, which is why we sort of wrote them off. But, it felt as though we had been making progress. Now I am just not sure.
K, who is becoming my regular relationship therapist, said basically that I should give him a break: “he has been by himself for a long time and it’s difficult for him to share and show weakness.” Yes, that is very true.
Still, I am pulling back a bit. I am very hurt and I will need to see how I feel after we see each other again in January. At this point, I am putting him back into the dating column. I am not saying he cannot recover the ground he lost, but I am back to holding him a bit at arm’s length and evaluating things carefully. He is not the man I will turn to in a moment of crisis. I am not saying he could never become that, but we are not there now.