I am alone for the first time ever on Christmas.  Even when A and I were at our broke-est, we still traveled to see (usually my) family at Christmas or they came here to be with us.  Canceling my trip yesterday feels like such a reasonable, responsible decision, but then I started to feel a little bad.

Since I took such a long vacation for Thanksgiving, I never got around to putting up my tree.  My house, my life, is Christmas (and Chanukah) free.

My aloneness all hit me today when I realized W was gone, E and K were leaving, and JF would be busy.  Plus, A was going home, too.  BFD, as previously discussed, would be gone for 9 days.  Even BP will be out of the country.

I spoke with A today, and we decided to do a pre-Christmas dinner tomorrow, which started to lighten the loneliness.  Then, I received an email from E suggesting Christmas Eve family dinner.  Then W responded with the news he’d be back for Christmas eve, too.

As I have gotten older, Christmas eve far surpassed my enjoyment of Christmas day.  We make a huge dinner, drink lots of wine, listen to great and awful Christmas music, and at some point remember none of us have wrapped any presents.

While I am sad I am not with my mother, brother, and his gf making hot pot tonight in New York, I am so happy to know that I will be with my family here.