Yes, I am still with BFD. Yes, he is still my boyfriend. Yes, I am still an idiot.
I called him this afternoon to check on him and he answered at home right away. It was so great to hear his voice. It had been almost a week since we had spoken. He is recovering from his cold, but still sick and still tired. He knows he pushed himself too hard with work and travel over the past two weeks.
BFD changed his travel schedule a bit, so now he is here on Christmas eve and Christmas. If he is feeling better, we are going to see each other tomorrow. If not then, we will see each other on Christmas. We are not exchanging presents, of course. We have not discussed it specifically, but I know he hates receiving gifts — and he is not that great at purchasing them given his failure in New York. Plus, it just doesn’t feel like that sort of year.
I have no idea what we might do. I am supposed to have family dinner with my friends tomorrow. I might bring him, if he is feeling up to it, or just see him after. I miss him like crazy. Literally. As you all know.
(Sadly for us both, I am um out of commission, but I have not figured out how or when to tell him. My friend W, with whom I have explicit discussions, told me there is no reason to tell him until we see each other since there are other options.)
My friends are giving me a bit of a hard time today since I basically told them all that I was over BFD because I was so hurt. That should make tomorrow a little awkward, if he joins me.
I have been chatting on facebook with K, E’s girlfriend. She has been terrific for the last few days. She always has interesting insights about BFD, too. I had told A today about how awful the first meeting was among BFD and E, K, and Jerk Face. A laughed, of course. When I told her, K remarked that: “well, [BFD] is too confident and doesn’t really care what people think about him, which don’t [get] me wrong it’s fine, but it might be uncomfortable for you, the person that is trying to ‘incorporate’ him.” Yes, completely accurate. BFD is who he is, unapologetically, so it does make it hard to bring him into my world. He’s a bit intimidating, and he lives his life purely on his own terms. He is not ungracious, but he is who he is. Now that I know that and I know him better overall, I think we will be fine whenever he next sees everyone. I will simply let him stand on his own and let him be himself.
As I told K today, “We give each other a tremendous amount of support and enthusiasm. He can tell me everything he is doing and he knows i am there for him, supporting him, and being excited for him, even when it means more time we spend apart.” When we began discussing his calendar today, I was genuinely excited for him because his first competition is in mid January. Yes, it’s the start of serious time for us to be apart, but I am excited about it because he loves it.
Despite the impact on my date with BFD, I am so happy pms is finally over.