BFD is still on his business trip, back today as originally planned. Why he couldn’t have told me that, I have no idea.
As usual, he starts thinking of me when he starts thinking of home. I don’t mean that in a bad way, actually. He owns a few companies and his schedule is insane. He travels constantly, personally managing things, because he is at a very detail-heavy stage in one of his deals. When he travels, he devotes himself completely to what he is doing. When he is with me, with one mid-week exception, he devotes himself completely to me. He does not carry or glance at his phone. He never takes calls, even when I have been at his house for hours, though his phone and email buzz constantly.
He just puts himself in a little isolation chamber, in whatever he is doing. It sucks, but I know this about him and it’s one of those compromises I have accepted.
Every relationship has its own rules that seem insane if you are outside the relationship. You make little accommodations and compromises in order to be together and have things work. For me, the benefits I gain from having him in my life far outweigh the aggravation of his absences. I think we are actually more intellectually compatible than A and I were, plus we share all of this other stuff (deep passions, similar careers) and have this genuine affection and admiration. We understand each other in a way that makes me not break up with him when he failed to call me for two days, where I refused a second date with N, in part because he did not get out of his car when he picked me up for our first date.
It all feels deeper and more serious than three months. We are dating still because we are building a life together, or at least seeing if that’s what will happen. We both quit the dating website on which we met. We’re exclusive and we’re at the age where we both want to get married. Assuming we can get past the next few days and keep building, I think he is it. When I think he is not, I will dump him immediately. Even with the difficulties we have had, I never thought about going out on dates, though offers have been there. I did not think about going out on the prowl with my friends. None of that occurred to me. Instead, I told BP about him, showed him pictures, and officially took myself off the market for him.
The strange thing is that my problems with BFD are his habits regarding how we communicate. Fundamentally, he is more than I thought I would find. Ever. Not just more than I thought I would find now, in my (late) 30s. He gets me on a real level, and he makes me constantly raise my game. I am a bit of a narcissist, as befits any constant blogger with an obsessive interest in her weight, etc., so that part of him does not bother me. The parts that do bother me, when we sit down and talk about it (as we have in the past), he understands immediately and reforms his behavior (sometimes too far and to his detriment).
We both want this to work. It feels right. It feels strong. It feels real. I am completely obsessed with every nuance because I am terrified of making a mistake. That is a problem I have faced throughout our relationship, and something I have never experienced before. I think it’s a testament to how much I care for him, how fast it happened, and where we both want to see this go.
I will see how things are when we see each other again. I have no idea when that may be. I am going to a show tonight and he said he is flying back “later today.” As I told him today, it does not feel like it’s been a month since we have seen each other.
Related post: When I Break Up With Him, It Will Be Because . . .