My male cousin L is getting married in the fall and it is throwing everyone into a tizzy. Assuming they go through with it, it will be the first wedding among my many cousins.
Over the past 15 years, I have planned 3 weddings, to 2 different men, The closest was canceled 4 months ahead of the date. They were at an historic waterfront mansion, an elegant Victorian hotel, and an historic waterfront mansion that is now a country club. I reminded my mother of this fact when she confessed her secret hope: that BFD and I will marry first.
I know she wants to beat her sister to the punch, as she did when they were each married a month apart nearly 40 years ago. I knew she wanted that from the moment L announced his engagement on Christmas. I am sure that I and the other cousins who are of marriageable age and in serious relationships are thinking much the same thing.
L’s wedding will be at his mother’s home with a reception at “a vfw-type place,” according to my mother. Now, my mother is not a snob, but she and her siblings, of whom there are many, are extremely competitive. I had to remind her that no matter who gets married first, I will have a lovely wedding, whoever I marry. I told her each of the ones we planned were beautiful, so any one I might have with BFD (or anyone else) would be lovely.
The reality is that it is not inconcievable that BFD and I could get married quickly. Were we to marry, it would most likely be quickly. When I joked to my uncle about the song I want performed at my wedding, he asked when I would be getting married: “two weeks after the prenup is negotiated.”
There is no need for a long engagement when you’re both relatively old. We are in fact battling the clock already, so waiting does not make much sense. On our first date, he told me his goal was to be married and starting a family within 18 months. Despite all the madness of our relationship, we are almost at 4 months.
I told my mother something of which she was not aware: I am the source of stress and drama. I am the one who freaks out. He is the one who has been steady. Now, he is also a problem with his living in his own head and ignoring me, but the back and forth over whether we are still together — all in my head.
I have no idea if we are on that same path together. I do know my mother secretly hopes to “win” by having us marry this summer with a large reception in the late fall or early winter, after L’s. She’s ridiculous, but it is not entirely absurd.