I had a relatively aggravating day, and yet, I feel pretty great.
My big expensive laptop has some significant problems. It’s out of warranty, because I am an idiot. It’s only a little over two years old. I paid more than $2,500 for it. It’s now a paperweight. Well, if it were just a paperweight, I would feel better about it. Instead, it nearly works, it almost works, it starts and fails. I keep thinking that I can fix it. I have been wrong so far.
I have been using the laptop I bought for A, which has some quirks to it. BP is not even entertaining the idea of buying a new machine for me, which he should. I think I am meeting with him tomorrow, so I will demonstrate the pathetic-ness of the situation. He really should shell out for a new machine but he wont.
I did not hear back from BFD. I told him I wanted to pick up the car today and asked if I should call his assistant. No response. I did not call her, or call him again. I know he’s busy and focused and I would rather not bother him right now. I don’t need it, really. I called the car company myself this afternoon for the address for the paperwork, which he had failed to provide. They asked my name and my relationship to BFD — I gave them first name only and said I was his assistant. Honestly, I have no status, so it’s not like it matters.
There are some interesting things happening, despite being hampered without a reliable machine.
A couple of interesting projects are happening. I spoke with BP about BFD’s project. He was kind of an ass about it, but that’s to be expected. Still, I think I could get BFD’s thing done with a couple of phone calls. Now that would be nice.
The big news is that my dream project is possible. I will be in charge, but l may not have much control over it. It’s possible that we could get launched in a strong, high-profile way. I have been preparing for this for years — everything I have done has lead here to this moment. It’s not guaranteed, of course, that any of it could come to fruition, but I am glad the project is back in the mix.
My weight is down to 112.4. My period is finally over.
With BFD out of town, I will avoid cheeseburgers, fries, chinese or any other weird thing he is craving. (It’s hard to believe how amazing he looks with how terribly he eats.)
I am eating more carbs — I picked up jalapeno cilantro hummus from whole foods, which I have been eating as a snack with baby carrots.
Portion control is still so important: I pay attention to how much I eat of everything all the time.
I had really been depressed during February and my non-date/non-leftover eating became completely ascetic (seriously, I often had meals consisting of peanuts, or a turkey burger, or scrambled eggs) . Now, I am focusing on making great things and enjoying what I am eating.
I went to whole foods last week and picked up a couple of varieties of store-made sausage (basil pesto, and jalapeno). I have cut them in half, grilled them on the foreman, and mixed them with vegetables. Tonight, I had half a sausage (about 2.7 ounces) with 2.5 ounces of broccoli florets and 1 tbs of the greatest ricotta (ricotta con latte) along with a 1/2 tbs of olive oil, italian herbs, crushed red pepper, and some fleur de sel. I wish I had parmesan because it reminded me of a wonderful alfredo.
I have also been making larger frittatas on days when I do not have a quiche in the fridge: a tbs of olive oil, and ounce of onion, 2-3 ounces of vegetables, .5-.75 ounces of cheese, and three eggs and a dash of kefir, heavy cream or greek yogurt. It makes two meals — and honestly, could make three.
I have not been exercising in the last few days — though I promised I would for lent. I have been in significant pain since Friday. I walked more than 12 blocks in stilettos, without my gel inserts, and my bad foot just began aching. I skipped my workouts and rested my foot. The pain was bad. This morning is the first day it was bearable, but it still hurts. I should bike tomorrow morning if it’s better.
I am feeling all warm and loving towards BFD. I am so fond of him and I continue to appreciate him and what he’s doing. When I have perspective and I am not suffering from hormone issues, I realize how well things are going between us. I miss him very much, but I am happy he is away and focused. I do not expect to speak with him until Saturday. I may text him from time to time, but I also may leave him completely alone. He needs this break. It’s not a break from me, it’s a break from the entire world.
It is difficult, because I know how depressed I have been. I do not think he has noticed with all the stress he is under, but it affected how I felt towards him, though not necessarily how I acted towards him.
I am missing him so much right now, but I know I will see him in 5 more days.
I am already separating myself from W and JF. I feel better about that decision. I am reaching out to other people.