Yeah, so obviously I have been depressed. The stress and strain has been unreal.
Some of it is hormonal, but most of it is the result of how difficult every single day has been for a while. There are real serious challenges I face and I have no control over my own recovery.
At the same time, there are significant improvements and I am, surprisingly, more comfortable than I have been in a while. I have been able to pay my bills, go shopping, go to dinner with friends.
I am a genuinely optimistic person. When that darkness hits, I can beat it back. But as pressure mounts and no relief is in sight, I lose my way.
That’s what I have been dealing with for weeks. Everything else is just surface chatter. My weight issues, my relationship issues with everyone, are a part of my ongoing battle.
When things turn dark for me, I withdraw and focus. That I am reaching out is a positive sign that I am slowly emerging. It’s still a challenge. Small setbacks feel huge, though I know they are not.
I am back, reaching back out, focused again on the world beyond my navel. It’s not complete, but it’s progress.
And, I feel pretty good.