Sunday night was beautiful and clear. As I drove off to pick up allergy meds and almonds, I put the top down, turned the ipod up, and belted out Slum Village’s Selfish (well, the John Legend part).
Selfish has been the theme of the weekend.
Rather than join my friends for Easter brunch or an Easter party, I did nothing. I was so aggravated about working late Friday night (post-Date 22) and until 10 pm on Saturday that I canceled, laid in bed, and did absolutely nothing until about 11 am.
I waited to hear from BFD. We had plans to engage in our new sporting adventure on Sunday and I was nervous and excited. The morning was stormy, but by noon, the weather was perfect.
I called home, spoke with my cousins and my mom . . . and an aunt who interrogated me about when BFD and I would marry. I said, we’re together because we want to get married and have a family . . . we’re just trying to figure out if we want it to be with each other. When she pressed, I said, look, it’s a bit complicated because he’s successful so he keeps his guard up longer. I repeated my joke that we’d be married two weeks after the pre-nup is signed, but of course, it’s not really a joke. I would not marry him without a pre-nup because I would want him to feel comfortable. I do not know that he would ask, but I would insist. (I am reasonably sure he would ask, though.)
I spoke with K later about our brunch debacle. She had been stressed about E’s trip and worried that he would not have time for Easter brunch. He stresses when he travels, like BFD, so she helped derail our plans by trying to manage his stress. I totally get it. E then decided to arrange his own birthday dinner reservation without K or anyone else’s input, to avoid all of the debate. It will be expensive. BFD is invited, and I may ask that K specifically invite him herself or invite us jointly. (We still have 4 weeks.)
All of our weekend plans were derailed by selfishness. I advised W to be more selfish (and to see his on/off gf for who she actually is instead of as a representation of what he wants).
BFD did not respond to my calls or an email 3 hours later about our plans until 5:30 when I received an email riddled with typos apologizing — he’d fallen asleep for 3 hours and had not done anything or left the house and said he’d call later. Obviously, he was still half-asleep.
Rather than wait for him, I ate dinner around 7 (baby carrots and jalapeno hummus followed about 30 minutes later by half of a basil pesto pork sausage). I reasoned that I could still have dinner with him again later, since I am eating all the time.
When I hadn’t heard from him by eight, I decided to break down the servings of my burgers and sausage for the week using my vacuum sealer. I rarely vac them, but I create custom bags
As I did so, I spoke again to W who told me about his revelations and his fear that a new woman he is dating “is not smart enough.” I asked him to tell me about her — she has a lit master’s from an excellent public university. His concern is she is not aware enough of local politics. I reminded him that not only was that absurd, but that a master’s from that program automatically qualifies her as smart enough. I further reminded him that anyone who proclaims proudly “I never use a dictionary” is automatically stupid. He agreed on that one. I then reminded him that the on/off said that at a cocktail party and he was proud of her. He ruefully agreed that perhaps I was correct that new girl was smart enough and his on/off is not. (Seriously, she’s a moron.)
Finally done with the conversation and the tasks, I decided to head off to Target for the allergy meds I would need today. I live in a hip area in/near downtown, so I am always bumping into people I know at whole foods or little shops. As a result, I think about how I am dressed before I leave the house. I don’t get “dressed up” but I rarely leave the house without a thought to what I am wearing.
I tend to sit around the house in sundresses or miniskirts and tank tops, so I changed from my sundress into something sportier. It was late and I wanted to be more low-key. Instead, I ended up in black yoga pants, a white sleeveless jersey, cute grey leather sneaks and a black and white golf sweater wrapped around my shoulders. Cute, in case I bumped into anyone I knew, and less exposed than a sundress in walking through dark parking lots alone at night.
As I drove off first to Target, which was closed, and then to Walgreens, I reflected first on how ridiculously happy I am when I drive the car. I cannot help but smile — it’s fun to drive a fast, well-built car, and it’s BFD’s car so I always think of him. I feel loved when I drive the car. I mean, I know that sounds silly, but I feel loved and adored and pampered. Those emotions show on my face and in my walk and carriage.
Wandering through Walgreens, I picked up my stuff, shocked that the package was going to be $5 thanks to two sales. Yay, Walgreens. When the cashier rung me up, the price came up wrong, so I told him there was a problem and made the people behind me wait as we found the right coupon. So, there I am, carrying a purse that costs more than 1k, wearing fancy workout garb, and annoying people around me over $3. It did not help as I slid into my cute car parked right in front.
I know I look prosperous, but I am actually broke. Three dollars is an ounce of tea at whole foods or a package of nuts, and in a couple of weeks, if my client payments fail to arrive, I will be grateful for saving that money.
Though I wanted to see BFD, I enjoyed having a day completely to myself. I got a lot done and did only what I wanted.