Tonight, I had a comfortable date with BFD. It was a typical movie date: dinner at the food court, a crappy movie in a crappy theater, no sex. Still, it was good and we’re in sync. We are so comfortable together that everything just clicks. It helps that I have recalibrated my expectations a bit. Because we now know each other better, things that used to be tension-causing are now routine. I get his energy flow, and I understand his signals better.


After exchanging work-related emails, I emailed him mid-afternoon to ask if we were on for dinner after a new class he’d mentioned the night before.
He said, no, he was too tired, but how about a movie. Odd. Before, he would have just canceled.

He sent me a time and a theater and asked me to pick him up — there are two reasons for this: (1) it means we end the night at his house instead of here where the cat to whom he is allergic lives; and (2) I am driving his car, for which he is paying, filled with gas, for which he is paying.

I countered with the suggestion of the better theater with better food, but realized after that the shows there were already sold out. I emailed him to let him know that we were still on for the original theater. He asked me to buy the tickets online, which did not even phase me because I knew he would be reimbursing me and the money in my account is his car money, which he has refused to cash so far. He knows this, too. So, I bought the tickets and confirmed everything.

The Drive

I drove out to pick him up. I was five minutes late, since he wanted me there at 530 and I did not consider rush hour traffic. I arrived, and no BFD. I called up, and nothing. I finally found him just out of the bath, fixing his hair. He pulled himself together, which basically means he threw on jeans and a wildly expensive black t-shirt that looks like every other black t-shirt in the world (and in his wardrobe), slipped on the jewelry he wears, grabbed cash and his iphone, and we headed towards the theater.

Traffic was heavier than normal and I am a terrible driving. My driving declines markedly when he is carrying on an aggresssive conversation on said iphone while I am driving. It’s nerve-wracking enough to have him in the car, but speaking loudly and apologizing from time-to-time, makes me even more nervous. We made it, parked, and he ended the call. He apologized and explained what they were discussing.

Since I can count on one hand the number of telephone conversations he has had in my presence, I have no problem with him returning a business call as we headed off.


As we walked up to the food court at the mall (seriously!) he gave me a hard time about my driving, so I told him honestly that he makes me nervous. We ordered asian food, as usual, and he ate off my plate, as usual. He was initially sort of rude to the line cook, who was very sweet and very adorable, and he felt terrible about it, mentioning to me that he was rude and how bad he felt, so he became sweeter as we stood there. Fortunately for his karma, it was a looooong time. Also fortunate for him, I am charming, especially to staff.

The food was basically garbage, but surprisingly fresh and tasty garbage, which is why we eat there.

When we headed down to the theater, there was no line anywhere. We looked through the candy counter for a snack, but I could not care less about sweets. We pondered and passed. But, I knew he wanted something. He also wanted me to make a decision. The thing is, I don’t care about sweets. It’s not my thing. He was a little annoyed, but really I don’t care.

Sitting in the theater a bit early, we talked sports and sweets and reminisced about the candy of our youth. Eventually, I said, honey, do you want candy. Yes. Do you want me to get it? Yes. So, off I went, scoring his favorite and a bag of popcorn for me.

We hated Wolverine. It was lowest common denominator pop-culture garbage. I have a high tolerance for bullshit movies, but I was bored. So was he.

His Place

We ended the evening back at his place, watching basketball, which was boring. We talked a bit, but it was clear from us both that we would be ending the evening without sex. Frankly, I was still sore from last night’s activities and skipping it was my preference. We kissed a little before I left.


Everything feels so strongly in sync. I was happy to end the evening curled up on his sofa, with a sex-free date. We are getting along really well and it’s clear that we are solid and strong.