I think I am single.

If nothing else, I think I am not having the same relationship with BFD that he is having with me.

Does this seem abrupt to you? Imagine how I feel.

My heart hurts. My chest hurts. My brain hurts.

Here is what happened, so far:

I have been all happy thanks to three days in a row with BFD. Things have been good, not great, but good, solid, and comfortable. We are getting closer. I am happy. We had plans for this morning which we postponed this morning because he was still sore from yesterday from his 3 hour work out.

He shot me an email updating me on his plans for the day and everything was cool.

I was speaking to Jerk Face around 2 this afternoon, when he casually mentioned “why is your boyfriend now listed as single on facebook?”

I said, I don’t know that he is. Was it a status change? He said, no, I got an alert and on his page, it says he is listed as single.

It was never listed as anything before, but sure enough, BFD is now listed as single.

As for what is going on? I have no idea. I checked out, on a whim, the online site on which we met and I see he made some change to his profile, but I don’t know when. Certainly since we met, but I don’t know if it’s since he said he was leaving the site. (On our site, your profile stays up, even when you quit.)

I have no idea what any of this means. I have been in consultation with T and with my mother and none of us can figure it out. I am alternating among enraged, despondent, and curious . . . with curious winning out.

It does not make any sense. We are closer than ever, spending more time together than ever, and we have too many things happening together for this to be a casual thing.

And yet . . . he is now listed as single. And he’s not calling me back or responding to text or email, not even about business.

Perhaps he’s still asleep (unlikely) or perhaps he knows I am pissed off at him and he is avoiding the inevitable confrontation. The thing is though, I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I would say to him other than “why did you change your status?”

It’s obviously meaningful in some way, but I don’t know what it means. I know he considers himself single in that he is not married. Any meaning other than that, I have no idea. He already went back and deleted the update, but not the status.

More to come, I am sure.

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