BFD and I were chatting tonight and he asked me something that made my blood run cold . . .

“I need Jerk Face to do something for me.”

Um, what, honey?

“I want him to take [this fitness class] and be part of a focus group.” The test lasts for a month. BFD takes it, too, and is the reason they want to expand to BFD’s demographic, which includes JF.


So, now BFD and JF are going to become friends in ways that have nothing to do with me.


I call him Jerk Face for a reason. He is such an asshole and he rides me mercilessly like he’s the little brother I never wanted.

Plus, he is my best friend, so he is the recipient of all of my madness, my craziness, he knows EVERYTHING.

I tried to pivot BFD to W or E, but he was fixated on JF. When I asked what he thought JF would say, he said, “oh I know he’ll do it, when I ask a question, I already know the answer, I am just confirming.”

Yeah, dude, I know.

So, BFD wants to be friends with JF, who is my best friend. Ultimately, this is what it is about. This is some way for them to get to know each other well.

I suppose it is a positive sign for my relationship with BFD, so long as Jerk Face does not fuck me in the process. Which, I cannot imagine he would, even inadvertently.

When the opportunity arose today, BFD immediately thought of JF, though W and E would have also been candidates. I know BFD wants to get to know JF better. He pumped me for information about JF over dinner two weeks ago, along with the other two, but he said in particular about JF “Cool, I can’t wait to [tease] him about that.” Awesome. BFD and JF, together twice a week, without me. For a month.


When I asked BFD what he wanted me to tell JF, he said, “don’t tell him anything, just tell him B is going to call and I am going to ask him a favor.”

So, I called JF and told him just that. JF said is it business? No. Is it about you? No. Do you know what it is? Yes. Okay, then have him call me.

I reminded JF that I love JF and he should try really hard not to fuck up my relationship with BFD. I also told him the only acceptable answer to any question about me is “she’s a great girl.” JF said, “do you seriously think BFD does not know you’re crazy???”

That is not the point.

BFD and JF are going to be friends. This could be bad . . .