I have been grumpy tonight because he canceled on me at the last minute. He got home at 8 pm and had 6 phone calls stacked up.

I am only partially grumpy because I wanted to see him tonight. I am more grumpy because it’s a short, tough week and he is traveling on Sunday. For sport.

He arranged and booked a training camp with his trainers, a doctor, and some friends — ten people for 8 days. It does not bother me that he’s going. I have been involved in the planning and logistics of the trip. He has been telling me about it for weeks. I support him enthusiastically though I worry about him. (It’s very dangerous — hence the presence of a doctor on his team.)

I am a little jealous that there will be women on the trip. BFD is a big fucking deal. He’s rich, he’s educated, he’s interesting, he’s attractive (I think he’s unbelievably hot and I am sure I am not the only one), he’s socially prominent, and he’s well-connected. He is a total package. (He’s me, but rich.) He’s a target for women, as a glance at his facebook page shows.

We are in a monogamous relationship and I know we’re very happy together, but I am sure that these women friends of his have some appeal. They share this interest, they have some money (this is not an inexpensive sport), and he has known them in varying capacities for a while. These are his people and I don’t know them.

But my main grumpiness . . .

He keeps postponing seeing me to work to prepare for being away. That pisses me off. And yet, I also appreciate that he’s not worried about seeing me because everything between us is really good.

We have made so much progress that I am not sweating 5 days apart, so far. But, I am concerned that I might not see him before he goes.

I miss him, but I am not giving him a hard time. Yet. For now, I am being supportive. If he cancels on me for Saturday, though, all bets are off.