I am often criticized for needing things to be perfect. I don’t really, but I do hold myself to a high standard and I am rather spoiled.

I would rather not have something than have something substandard. That can make my life a bit difficult since I am broke. I still wear the same makeup, get my hair done at the same salon (color and highlights), shop in the same stores, and buy very high quality food (and cat food). With the exception of kitty’s ridiculously expensive cat food, I go without rather than drop my standards for what I want.

I even went without a car for months rather than get something sensible I did not want, imposing ultimately upon everyone, which sucked for them, but sucked for me far worse.

I am spoiled, obviously, but I am mostly sensible.

I am thinking about this today because tonight I am going out to my favorite bar with my girlfriend K. We have declared a girls’ night since BFD has a working dinner and E is away for a boys weekend.

There are lots of great bars here in town and I frequent a few of them, even poor little me. I just don’t drink at them.

This bar is special though. Appended to a top restaurant, it is a dream: excellent wines by the glass, exquisite food. Rather than go somewhere I know I can absolutely afford (and at which I would not drink), I am going to the place I love to enjoy a glass of my favorite champagne. I am a little stressed about it. Money is tight until a large check arrives at some point within the (hopefully) next few days.

But, I am still choosing to spoil myself rather than be sensible. It feels like the right move and no one would quibble since it rarely happens.

I am picking up K at her office and we will drive over in my car, which frankly looks like the car I should be driving. It is the car of someone spoiled. It is not sensible. I love it.

It’s a funny thing, this living in two worlds, between being spoiled and being sensible. I have been doing it for a while. I have the trappings of my status (well, I gave up my club membership and my personal training sessions at the right gym), but I kept everything else and I am still who I am. I have the same taste; I am just doing it on a budget. I have to think about what I can afford and what I have to sacrifice, which was something I never used to think about.

This week, I am buying a glass of champagne in an elegant bar with my girlfriend K rather than saving money in case my check does not arrive. I am living my life, enjoying myself, and spoiling myself.

It is the choice that BFD prefers, that BP encourages. They want me to be spoiled, to be cared for, while appreciating the fact that I am, for the most part, sensible.

My lifestyle can be rather expensive when you’re not paying attention and I have squandered more money than I care to admit. I know better now. I pay more attention. When I spoil myself, I know what it costs. I fret about money and I weigh everything carefully. Tonight, I am spoiling myself.

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