All of the people in my life have opinions about BFD, but all of their opinions are anchored so firmly in their own lives and outlooks that they are valueless. Seriously! Over the past four days, E’s girlfriend K, W, and BP have all offered such bullshit advice and concern that I struggled not to laugh at them.
K Hates BFD
Over dinner and champagne on Friday night, K unburdened herself about her hatred of BFD. Um, what? Yes, she claims she “hates” BFD for what she perceives about our relationship based on two interactions on our fourth date and then 2.5 months ago.
She had two reasons: (1) he is not overly affectionate with me in public, and (2) he did not step in to defend me when I was being teased by JerkFace. Seriously. These are her issues.
Her boyfriend E told her that she should not express her feelings to me under any circumstances. K misunderstood why. She thought it was to protect me, but it was to protect her. She is young and inexperienced in relationships. At a different part of the conversation, she told me that she could not understand how there could be other considerations than love: “if you love each other, you should be together.” I remember being under-30, and even then, I knew that love is never enough.
Had BFD done either of those things that makes K hate him, the men there would have been weird about it. K has met BFD twice, both times at her home, and it would have been inappropriate for him to have groped me at their house or to have intervened in my friends picking on me.
I mentioned this conversation to W earlier today and he is obsessed with it. “Why would she say ‘hate’?” Now, K is not a native speaker, but even if she meant strongly dislike, the point is that she hates him. It’s so weird.
I am pleased she feels comfortable enough with me to tell me she hates my boyfriend, but her rationale is ridiculous, but understandable given who she is.
W’s Thinks BFD Is Cheating on Me
W’s primary objection to my relationship with BFD is that he believes BFD is cheating on me because he has secrets from me.
BFD and I have a no full disclosure policy on our pasts. He does not want to know what I have done or with whom. A was the same, so I am comfortable not comparing lists with him. Our exes come up in conversation from time to time, but rarely.
Though BFD and I are very honest with each other about who we are, how we are, and what we want . . . and we share all of this secret stuff we would never confess to other people, there is a lot we withhold. He does not know that my ex still has a key here, still has stuff here, and stays here when I travel. Because my ex and I are not involved romantically, it does not seem to be a big deal to me. I can easily see how his relationship with his ex would be the same. No reason to discuss it because it’s over, but they’re still friends or still connected by business, finance, whatever.
In W’s mind, that means he is still fucking her. In W’s world (and life), a present ex is a current fuckbuddy. More importantly, a man who keeps secrets (fails to disclose everything) is a man who is cheating.
Is it obvious by now that W is a big fat cheater? He cheated on me, famously, when I dated him when we were in school. We are still friends, but he is a cheater. Any secrets he keeps are secrets that enable him to have affairs.
Keeping secrets, failing to provide full disclosure about everything, is not evidence of cheating. I am certainly not cheating on BFD, and there is a lot of stuff I don’t tell him.
BP Thinks BFD Is Cheating on Me
BP has been insisting that BFD is cheating on me for months. BP knows very intimate details about my relationship with BFD and who knows who BFD is, so he is convinced that any man in BFD’s position has a “stable of women.”
The idea is that rich men, especially rich men who travel for business and for sport, are obviously involved with multiple women. BP said: “I mean, I think you’re his #1 girl, but you cannot possibly be naive enough to think he is only with you.”
Yes, I am. BFD and I have energetic, vigorous and unprotected sex because we are in a monogamous relationship. Since we came of age in the 80s, that whole sexually monogamy thing is quite ingrained. We are both clean and intend to remain so.
BP, of course, is basing his opinion about BFD solely upon BP’s own experiences with having mutliple girlfriends stashed around the world. Really. I had no idea when I was dating him briefly just how many women he had and where. I never thought with him that I was the only woman in his life — it’s what always stopped me from going too far with him.
Despite BP’s drum-beating on this issue for months, he is beginning to think that perhaps he was wrong. By the end of our last conversation on the topic he acknowledged, you know I think you are his only girl. He now understands more about my relationship with BFD and feels quite strongly that he is true to me.
It’s still a bit beyond BP’s comprehension that a younger rich man like BFD would have only one girlfriend, though.
I appreciate, I suppose, that my friends feel they can tell me anything about my relationship, but they are each incapable of expressing an opinion that considers anything than their own experience. They may be right, but their rationale is suspect. Still, I receive the messages, respectfully, and consider them.