I am feeling even better on the second day since I received BFD’s email.
I’ve read it again (and again) and I think, now that the shock has worn off, I understand it. Again, it’s a “hey, I need some space while I figure business things out” message. It’s what he does. It’s the part of him I am not always certain I can handle. Well, I can handle it, as long as I believe that it’s just business that is distracting him. It’s when I suspect there are “other” distractions that I go off the edge a bit.
Last week, I suspected he was back on eharm and socializing with another woman. The fact that the other woman would have been socializing with him and my friends post-training did not occur to me. I knew she had met both JF and W online, I recognized her when BFD became friends with her on facebook (she is a beautiful woman with a style [and a first name] that is just enough outside the norm for our world that she’s immediately identifiable). When BFD mentioned her by name as a friend who was attending his training thing, every alarm bell in the world went off inside my head. Again, the same thing in which JF is participating, along with a number of my close friends (most of whom I’ve dated).
Yes, it’s stupid in retrospect, but things were tense between us for reasons I could not quite fathom. I do know that BFD is a super-monogamous man. He cannot handle distractions and he hates dating. He has been my boyfriend since we met and dating me is almost too challenging for him right now and I am extremely accommodating (yes, some would say too accommodating).
It is certainly possible that he is romantically interested in this other woman, who I am tempted to identify as “Hester.” She is beautiful. If I remember the details of her date with JF accurately, I believe she’s older than I am, which is something else that appeals to BFD. The style thing though would be an ultimate deal killer for him. It’s just too far from our world to be acceptable, which is why JF did not pursue her romantically. (I doubt it’s what you’re thinking.)
I feel better, but I am not yet ready to break everything down and talk about it yet. I am not 100%, but I am better.
I have not spoken with him, not contacted him, not texted him. Nothing.
He knows what I have been up to thanks to face book: my long early morning workout, my fancy brunch with my crew (including people who are training with BFD), and a friend of a friend posted a picture of me with W and an extremely hot guy at a barbecue I went to last night. (I love this about face book and I know he fb stalks me regularly.)
I am still too delicate to discuss everything. I am just working steadily, very focused, and not thinking about him. In fact, I am Not Thinking about him at all in any way other than the most pedestrian — “I wonder when I’m getting my car back” — ways. Though we are still together, I am not planning to see him this week. I am not blocking days for him, as per usual. If I am available and he asks me out, I’ll go, but that’s the extent of commitment I am willing to make.