“I thought I’d call you before you got too mad at me.”
And with that, we’re back.
I am trying hard not to grin from ear to ear, but it’s hard.
This might have been our most adorable conversation ever. Seriously.
Which makes sense since we were mad at each other and concerned, I am sure, about our long-term viability. But now, it’s why I fell for him in the first place . . .
I had been sitting, an hour ago, with W, drinking margaritas (well, he was drinking, they were from a mix, so I skipped them — too many carbs, which I saved for chips). At the end, I was asking him what he does on dates, like where does he take women. Then I told him about my first date with BFD. I mentioned that our first kiss was electric (seriously, I can still remember the first kiss like it just happened).
I had told W earlier that the reason I know BFD and I are actually monogamous is that we have unprotected sex. We are both clean and our sex life is too important to us to not be together for a stupid reason (i.e., fucking around with other people). We are both relationship people, even when we’re pissed at each other.
When I got home, I sat staring at my screen, wanting desperately to call BFD, since I had just described all the reasons I fell in love with him — his kindness, his generosity, his efforts to be charming, his ridiculous tipping, his subtle signaling. I was revisiting all of these important moments in our relationship and I just missed him so much. I thought about calling, texting or emailing and decided “no.”
Then the phone rang, and it was him. I said hello, and he said “I thought I’d call you before you got too mad at me.”
From there, we talked for about twenty-five minutes . . . laughing, flirting, negotiating. All of the stuff that we had fucked up over the last week, we joked about tonight.
It was one of the best conversations we’ve had in weeks. He started off apologizing for having been such a dick and basically ignoring me for a day. He explained, again, what was happening and why he was out of contact and stressed. But he was obviously happy. He gave me the update, including about tonight’s training session and then he said, “okay, I now have the bandwidth [to get involved in your life], so tell me, what’s going on with you? What’s happening?”
I demurred a bit, so he asked again, and then I told him how hard I am working and on what and then I gave him,without fanfare, my big news: I think I am closing your deal on Wednesday.
He . . . was shocked. And happy. He said, who, so I told him. He asked if they needed to fly out to see the old stuff and I said no, they want to do it because I want them to do it. Then he asked the big question: how much? 50? 100? I said 200. He said, total? I said, each.
He kinda freaked a little. He said, Plan, you know, that may be too much. I said, sweetheart, you set the range, I wanted to hit the upper end. He said, yeah, but . . . that’s a lot for me to give up. I said, B, you set it! He said, uh, yeah, I know, but . . . I didn’t think you’d succeed. The brat!
We both laughed, of course. I said, well, this is just the first group, but I have a meeting on Wednesday and I will know then how they want to proceed.
He said, you know, that’s a big commission for you . . .it’s like 24! I corrected him immediately, to say, actually, we negotiated 40. He said, gosh, I don’t know, that’s a lot of money.
I said, calmly, baby, you spent more on that each year on [transporting your sporting equipment]. He laughed and said, yes, that’s true. Then he told me he should never have told me what he spends on it. I said, you tell me everything, every dime you spend on everything. He said, yeah, I do. I said, “besides, you don’t care about anything under a mill anyway . . .” which is basically what he said in our long, tough money conversation, but he corrected me as I quoted him incorrectly. It was that he doesn’t care about anything under six figures. The difference in what he would pay me is “a rounding error.” I said, yes, it’s less than you pay in tips . . . heck, you pay more than that to [maintain your equipment]. He said, actually I pay 1200 every six months, but I understand your point . . . and I should stop telling you things.
He said he would regret sharing everything connected to his sport. I agreed, reminded him that I am thrilled that he does what he does and would never begrudge any of [his sports-related spending] and told him that since I have ammunition about what he spends on everything I would be using it against him. He laughed.
You know those moments when you both know exactly what you’re both thinking . . . we had that moment: the ring will be ridiculous.
I mean, I have no idea if we will get married, but we both knew.
BFD dropped his voice and started to renegotiate the terms of our deal . . . how about I pay you .5x plus equity. Then, in 5 years you’d have 2.5x. I laughed. He said, it’s good deal for you! It’s like forced savings! Even he was laughing by this point.
I said, honey, hearing you negotiate . . . it’s kinda hot. He said, yeah I know, it sounds so dirty. And it really did. It was seductive, and we just kept laughing and enjoying each other.
Ultimately, I love the fact he wants me to have equity. I told him that if I did his deal, I could take all the money and buy [the car he wants]. He corrected me that even if I did the full deal for the full commission, I still couldn’t afford it. Sadly, he’s right. (Though I could buy almost anything else.)
We covered a lot of territory. He told me more about tonight’s training and how happy he was. I told him I want to join and he gave me the days it’s available and encouraged me to go. (Half the time, he bans me; half the time he invites me.) I told him I have started getting up early to work out in the mornings again. His response: why? He also teased me about doing jane fonda or whatever low impact cardio he suspects I do. Such a brat.
All of the people I recommended have been great. JF is the only one who hasn’t shown up yet . . . and BFD is the one who picked and invited him. He was so disappointed in JF, but told me how great especially neighbor S is doing. I spoke about S’s weekend sports activity and asked BFD if he’d ever done the same. He had and it killed him. He spoke of S with admiration — good looking guy, great athlete, he’s really perfect for the training.
I mentioned, offhandedly, that my mother may be stronger at it than either of them. He was understandably impressed. Plus, she is coming to visit while he is out of town. I asked, when are you leaving? (I already knew it was the 11th.) He walked me through his travel schedule and it’s insane. He’s gone for more than 2 weeks, working in two cities, then in training camp, and then visiting friends, perhaps, on the back end of that trip.
I said, it’s too bad you’ll miss my mother, she’d love to meet you, and he said, well, maybe they’d cross paths and he thought they had a day to be in the same place. (They don’t, unless he changes something.) (Again, the perils of telling me everything, but it’s sweet that I know he is going to try to work something out.)
He told me that he was traveling this week (grrr) leaving tomorrow and coming back late on Wednesday to look at new projects. He said, but I have to give you back your car. (Yay!) I said, yeah, cabs are getting very expensive. I asked first if he were busy tonight, which he was, as was I, (disappointing us both because really, renegotiating is hot), and so I said, why don’t we grab lunch and we can do it then. We will speak in the morning. I forgot I have lunch plans already — a board lunch for a philanthropy, but I will gladly blow them off to see him — and get my car back.
The whole conversation was just amazing. As craptacular as the last few days have been, he heard exactly what I needed him to hear . . . things are good for me, I am on his team, solidly, and I heard what I needed to hear from him . . . he was sorry, he misses me, he needs me, and I again am exceeding his expectations. Even if my people don’t close this week (or ever), it’s a big deal to get it in play.
We needed this, to take a little break, and then come back together so strongly. I remembered tonight all the reasons I love him. I think he felt the same. We just clicked and everything was so good.