The munchkin canceled on me twice today and for the third time this weekend. I am disappointed, but not angry.
I have not seen him in 11 days.
We have known that this was going to be a rough period. He is overwhelmed with work. He warned me in April and again in May that June would be bad and his schedule would be changing. He told me that he’d be taking fewer long trips, but would be taking frequent day and overnight trips. That has happened. Plus, he had an unexpected issue with a partner that has forced him out of town on the weekends.
We went from seeing each other 3-5 days per week to this.
So here we are, in the midst of his bad calendar and apart for 11 days and counting. Unlike back in January, he keeps trying to make plans and then canceling. None of the cancellations are surprising. Today, he canceled brunch because he overslept (I woke him when I called at 1030). Tonight, he canceled dinner because of a meeting.
But it’s not that simple.
He is very apologetic, but he is making it very clear that I am not as important as what he’s doing. I wish I could remember his exact words, but it was something like he’s just not in the mood to see me. Actually, he said that a few days ago, today, he said that the only thing important is what he’s doing and nothing else really matters. And yes, he meant me.
Before 5, I got an email from him canceling dinner. It was kinda shitty. His patented “crap email from a dude” opening: “listen sorry but . . .” He managed to apologize twice blaming a last minute meeting (which was important). It ended: “It’s a very challenging time for me as you probably notice and I apologize but I have to get out from under this.”
My first reaction was utter lack of surprise. I thought about answering him via email, or not answering him at all. Then I decided to call him.
My first surprise was that he answered his phone. He asked first whether I’d gotten his email, and he apologized again. I was quiet. He said, rather imploring “[Plan . . .].” I told him I understood and it was fine, but I was tight with him. He knows I am angry. He accepts that I am angry.
He provided more detail on everything and why he felt he had to cancel on me, again. He also told me that he needed to finish this up and that it was all that mattered to him. He was speaking about us when he said that.
I told him I wanted the car and asked if he wanted me to cab out there to pick it up. He said no, he was in town tomorrow and we’d get together then. (Ha.)
I followed up later on with an email making it even more clear that I support what he’s doing and I understand.
I do support what he’s doing and I understand.
I miss him, but I am okay with us not seeing each other. I know that he’s just in pencil in my calendar.
We have three more weeks of this bullshit. BFD assumes when the bad month is over that we’ll still be together . . . but he also knows that he has damaged us. We are injured. We are in pain. He knows he will have to fix things. He always has in the past.
Oh, and we have plans tomorrow . . .