I just reread what I wrote and it’s all about BFD. He is making choices that harm our relationship. I am not engaging on these issues for a very simple reason: I understand what he’s doing.

That does not mean that I agree and it does not mean that it’s okay. But, I do understand.

One reason I am with him in the first place is that he has times of all-consuming focus on work. My life is similar and when you are with someone who does not understand that need to kill yourself working to get through a rough cycle, it makes it that much harder.

I am not breaking up with him right now. I am viewing this as a hiatus. I am not yet dating other people because I do understand. That does not mean I am not angry, and it does not mean I forgive him. I don’t.

I explained to JF in a series of ims yesterday, before BFD canceled dinner:

we’re both pissed off and angry. he expects me to be completely understanding when his schedule goes off the rails. it’s always variations on “you of all people should know …” or “i’m being stood up by my own schedule.” depending on the circumstances at issue.

he just does his [BFD] bullshit and expects that everything is cool. and often, it is, but last weekend just infuriated me. so, i shut off all contact with him. in the morning, he sent this long apology which i ignored. i took his call the next evening when he called again to apologize.

it’s not an easy relationship, but when it works, it’s wonderful. these down-cycles are deadly though. he’s begged my indulgence for june, so i am not planning to see him, even if we make plans or have a date scheduled. i know it’s more aspirational than actual for him. he really does intend to do it, but it’s less important than everything else. and that’s cool for a time — i do the same with him or with anyone else — but it’s not cool for a relationship