Tonight was date 35 with BFD. It was . . . great. Really and truly great. He was so wonderful that I am still amazed. It was like having dinner with a pod person. He looked like my BFD, but he was sweet, funny, relaxed, and awesome. The asshole whose been sending me fucked up email, canceling on me repeatedly, telling me how unimportant everything is but what he’s working on, and/or ignoring me . . . gone.
In his place, a very hot version of BFD with an amazing personality.
Though he asked me out last night for today, I had been convinced that it was not happening. Even after he emailed me at three-ish to tell me his schedule and ask for a late dinner at 8, I would have bet money that it was not happening . . . until he called and said he’d be here in three minutes.
He was late and we were pressed for time. He said that we didn’t have time for dinner (giving me back the convertible was the main thrust), but he asked if I’d eaten and I hadn’t since he asked me to dinner(!), so he said, okay, we’ll do dinner. I met him downstairs and the first thing he did was look at me, do a double take, laugh, and exclaim about my hair. I said, yes, I changed it, and he said, well, it is summer. (I sort of love that he knows that hair goes lighter in the summer.)
(An aside . . . it’s much lighter, which is not necessarily a great thing with auburnish hair, but I think he likes it, though it obviously surprised him. [He said he liked it, but you never know.] Though he’s on freaking facebook and should have noticed.)
As soon as I was in his suv, he turned up the iphone and it’s the song he always plays that I harass him about — a sucky song with a suckier remix. He loves to play it when I am in the car to torture me. He laughed. Then he flipped to the only slighly less terrible mid-90s r&b song he always plays. And laughed.
He was very playful and adorable the whole time. He kept looking at me, of course. It had been 11 days since we’d seen each other.
We quickly decided to hit the restaurant where he is treated like a rock star. He was in workout clothes, the most casual I’ve ever seen him in public. When we walked in, the host and hostess waved to him as we entered and then laughed and said, welcome to gold’s gym. BFD enjoyed it and handed me his keys and wallet while he walked to the men’s room. The host seated me in a booth in a darkened corner, which BFD had changed to a table in front of the windows. I am certain they were trying to hide us since he was dressed so inappropriately. He did not care and picked the single most prominent table in the place. They indulged us, of course.
Our usual waiter brought iced tea we did not order, offered to bring soup for BFD and was a little upset he declined and offered the special salad,which he also declined. I accepted after he walked away. They always add all sorts of interesting seafood to it and this serving was twice as large as normal. As usual with BFD, he began eating it as soon as it was delivered to the table.
A couple of minutes later, the waiter came back with what appeared to be unagi that the chef just decided to make (we did not order any sushi). The waiter and BFD were having a conversation and BFD ate his and gestured to me to eat the other. The waiter looked kind of horrified and said, “she won’t like it!” I teased the guy and said, what makes you think I won’t like it (the obvious thing being that I am, you know, a white girl and all). BFD smiled at the waiter and at me and said, anything I like she likes. The waiter protested, but it’s salmon skin, which it was and yum! It was really fabulous. I cannot believe in the 15-20 years I’ve been eating sushi I’ve never had salmon skin.
We just talked. Our food was great, but neither of us was particularly hungry. We spent most of the meal talking about cars. He wants to get rid of the one I am driving and the one he is driving and get two or three more. My car is 2 years old. His is 6 months old. When he said, maybe I’ll keep [his suv], I said, but you hate the suspension. He said, yeah, I really do, but I can put up with it for another 30 months. I reminded him that I did not expect to hear how much he hates it everytime . . . like he does now. When he discussed getting one particular car . . . my dream car and his . . . we joked about putting a trailer on it, since he would miss the storage choices with the admittedly small suv. I said, give me your hand. I reached across the table and took his hand in both of mine and said, please, please, please get [the dream car] and buy a used u-haul trailer to attach to it. He said, no I would get one built . . . and then laughed and said, oh, I see what you’re saying. I told him he should get the dream car, so I could ride in it. I promised him I would never drive it, nor would I ever get him so blindingly drunk that I had to drive it. He said, yeah, you would never be allowed to drive it. Hell, I might not even drive it. I may just wash it and look at it.
We talked about my car. I am keeping it until the end of the month while I look for a new car. I told him what I was looking for and he said, what’s your budget, so I said, uh, you said it was like x, so that’s what I am looking at. He told me that was for a “bucket” and I could go to 2x. He was shocked when I told him what I found which was more than x but less than 2x. He loved what I was thinking about and my reasoning behind it.
He told me that by the end of the month he wanted me to find a new (to me) car, pay him back the 2 I owe him (which I offered to do by the end of the week, but he said end of the month is fine, just don’t spend it . . . and laughed), and get six new clients. I said, no problem.
When the waiter wandered back over, BFD inquired about his favorite sushi chef, who is no longer working there. We had this discussion 11 days ago, when we were at the same restaurant, with the same waiter, though at lunch. The discussion then turned to all the sushi restaurants downtown and how they both hate going downtown because of parking. During this, BFD referred to me as “pretty” to the waiter, which struck me as strange since he’d never said that to me. I mean, I know he’s attracted to me, but I liked hearing him refer to me that way, like it is the most obvious thing in the world.
After the waiter walked away (obviously it was the end of the night because we were the last table there), I said, we’ve only been downtown for dinner once, but we should try that sushi place where your guy works. I’ve been there with JF and it’s great. He said, we’ve been downtown for dinner? and looked perplexed. I said, well, it was over eight months ago, so I can see why you might not remember. Still perplexed, I volunteered, our first date, the italian place, we sat outside, we ate mussels. He said, well I remember the [cultural thing], and smiling sheepishly, said, I do remember, it’s next to the wine bar . . .
Eight months. It’s the first time I’ve acknowledged our longevity since he mentioned that such thing were not important to him. But obviously, they are.
He is changing his travel plans so that he can take my mother to dinner when she’s in town next week. I am moved he’s doing it, and not convinced it will happen, but the thought it lovely. It’s important, so he wants to be here, even though it means missing a meeting out of town
We drove back to his place, still laughing and enjoying ourselves and talking about music. We know each other so much better now. Not as well as eight months, but better than 35 dates. We walked in to his place through the garage and I sorted my leftovers from his.
He kissed me for the first time today, without much passion. We both had to wrap and get back. He was already working in his mind. He told me he was free on Wednesday as he held me in his arms and I said, okay, Wednesday it is. He walked me out to “my” car and handed me the keys and kissed me again. As I slid into the car, he said, Wednesday, we’re having sex. He gestured as he said it and I reached over and touched his 8 pack. Seriously, dude’s body is sick. In that moment, we both started to reconsider waiting, but it was the right thing to do. He had to work, as did I, but I knew from how he was looking at me that he was reconsidering.
And that he loves me. He just stared after me as I pulled out and drove off.
I had the feeling going in that it would be a sex-free date, despite three weeks since we last had sex. It’s been so tense between us that I just assumed we would skip the sex, which we did.
We needed something lowkey and casual because we needed to reconnect. We really did. The last couple of weeks have been rough. Now, things feel better. Better enough that he doubled my budget on my car and is letting me keep it until the end of the month. Better enough that we already made a new date. Better enough that he is changing his plans so he can meet my mother.
I have no idea what the future brings, but we’re reconnected for now. We have plans and all of his nonsense about how unimportant everything but work was . . . was just nonsense. And he knows it, too.