I had a business call with BFD today, which is always interesting. We do really well on the business stuff, but he’s very difficult and can be tempermental.
I called him because he sent a document that looked “off.” I have a macbook pro, he has some old dell and the transfer from his machine to mine made the pages, logos, etc. look bad on my machine and on BP’s. BFD was horrified — the idea that he sent out a substandard document killed him. I let him know I could fix it and pdf it, or he could.
He chose to fix it, with me on the phone. He rides me a bit on business, which is his style. He wanted me to know what his business partners would say about him, especially if I introduce him to my people: “hot [he meant tempered, and I concur regarding both meanings] . . . bring a lot of pressure . . . most organized person in the world . . . impatient with stupidity . . . ” I told him I certainly have experienced all of that with him, and I have. He’s very focused, very detail oriented, very fastidious, and he regularly loses his temper in a business context. He has snapped at me, but I do not know that he’s truly lost his temper with me. I have heard him yell at people on the phone . . . yet another reason I have no interest in actually working for BFD, despite his offer.
As he worked to fix the doc, he said “you broke my machine . . . well, I guess that’s unfair, you didn’t actually break it, but the file was too big . . .” I reminded him that I would happily send it to a gmail, but he said, “I’m not like you, I don’t have a dozen different emails and online identities and 4 phone numbers. I have one email, one phone, one cell.” At this point, I interrupted him to laugh and call him a liar. (I know he has two cells and two iphones and a gmail linked to his iphone, but he is certainly not a savvy user of technology.) He fixed the doc and sent it back while describing how important it is that it looks perfect. I said, okay, page two, one of your charts is spaced one too far on the comma. He decided he could live with that.
He’s very open and very transparent, which I love about him. He mentioned that a long-time business partner would be coming to town in the next few weeks and that “we should all get together.” I said, “I’m sorry, what?” so he repeated that we should all get together when he’s here. I reminded BFD that I want to meet the man inside or outside a business context, because he’s so important to BFD. Cutely, he stepped back to being my boyfriend to say, oh, of course, you will, he’s a great guy!
The difficulty of dating BFD, or someone like him, is that he’s so unusually focused that he literally cannot incorporate anything other than what he is doing. When he told me why the partner is coming in, essentially to celebrate a project milestone, I told him how happy I am for it and how excited about what it means. It just stresses him out, so I reminded him that I know it’s a big deal, and I would make sure that we celebrate it appropriately.
I have never been a housewife, never aspired to be anything other than what I am — a hardworking, hard charging planner. It’s what I do, it’s who I am. I literally think for a living (or lack of living). But I celebrate milestones because they are often the only tangible thing we have. I create plans, but that’s the end of my input. Implementation is for the BFDs of the world. For BFD, when his project is done, he has something tangible, but it’s still important to mark and celebrate at each point in the process. For him, that’s a foreign concept. He’s more comfortable putting his nose to the grindstone and powering through.
What I do for him is ground him, which is ironic, since I am not particularly grounded. I help him shift his thinking to home and hearth, while understanding everything he deals with in a business context. It is a comfortable role for me, though it’s not one I’ve fulfilled before.
He is so happy and so comfortable with our life together that not seeing me is okay with him. Tonight, he has physical therapy and two training sessions, etc., so we’re not going to see each other. Then he has out of town employees in for dinner meetings tomorrow. I reminded him that I want to see him before he leaves for the weekend and that he needs to make that happen, to which he enthusiastically agreed.
I have decided to tell him how I feel, though I have accepted it may be on the phone. I have also decided (for now) that I will accept his car offer. We’re together, and not doing it is stupid, too.