I am tempted to send this message to BFD: “in case i don’t tell you often enough, thank you for everything.”  I’ve been staring at the open email for 20 minutes.  It feels like a valediction.

We just had such a strange conversation that I feel the need to cap it with a valediction, to wish him farewell, to let him know how much I appreciate him as I pull away.  I am pulling away.  My heart hurts.  My chest feels tight.

I am incapable of processing what has just happened and I am afraid I am already remembering it incorrectly.

The bottom line, I suppose, is that nothing real has happened.  I heard something he said, assembled it with how things are going, and I have basically decided we’re not together anymore.

Except I think, as usual, I am overreacting, but I am terrified I am not.  Because I am afraid, I naturally pull back.

It’s sort of the worst of all possible scenarios, and I am going to attempt to unpack it all in one gigantic post.

Or something.

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