I am writing and not publishing because I am busy and things are happening.
BFD and I are taking a schedule-enforced break from seeing each other for at least 3 weeks. Maybe more. It sucks, but it’s better than the last times we’ve done it. We’re more honest with each other about what is happening and how we feel about it. Unlike before, I responded back quickly to one of his “listen sorry but” plaintive emails to say, it’s okay for a time, I am still here, we’ve done this before and we’re fine. I also told him to turn to me with any of his domestic stuff he can’t handle. The next morning, he did, asking for my help in following up with the dinner he’d arranged.
We spoke today about business and it was horrible. He was in a horrible mood, terrible business stuff happening, and he was just a dick. We spoke for 3 minutes every 10 minutes or so for an hour and it was bad. Like I wanted to never speak to him again bad.
When he is short with me, my instinct is to withdraw. I did this for a while, but it’s far more successful for me to match him tone for tone. If he snaps, and I snap back, he hears and corrects. By the end of the hour, it was okay, but I was furious for a while.
He let me know he was having a terrible day — “worst day ever.” I asked about tonight’s dinner and he was cranky and pissed off and snappish. Fine, whatever.
A showed up late afternoon and we hung out and talked for a couple of hours. The phone rang and it was BFD, quietly asking if JerkFace was going to show up. JF was 2 minutes late for the dinner. I texted and im’ed JF to make sure he was going to be there and got no response.
BFD called me after the dinner, very happy at how it had gone. JF was great, as was everyone else and it was a successful night.
We spoke about our calendars and confirmed we’d be at least 3 weeks apart. He asked what I was doing tomorrow and I said I don’t know, should we try to get together (he leaves on Friday)? He said wistfully, he didn’t think it would work, but maybe. We were interrupted by a business call, of course.