BP, my business partner and I suppose, ex-boyfriend, called me this afternoon and gave me a rather stern talking to.

He believes that I need to separate myself from worrying about car-shopping, borrowing money from BFD, or focusing on him.  He also believes I am obsessing about my upcoming birthday and getting older and I should stop putting so much pressure on myself to settle down.

His advice is to focus on myself and the positive things I have happening and not get caught up in BFD’s drama.  He has assured me that if I wait for 30 days, I will not need to get money from BFD or be dependent upon BFD.  I do not know that I believe BP.  He believes it, and frankly, I may close on my work for BFD, which would enable me to get a car and get out of debt and not owe him (or anyone else) anything.

Imagine, financial independence . . .

What I need to remember is who I am and what I am doing.  That’s actually been my focus today.  My weight is shifting down. I have done some work.  I have decided to rearrange the furniture, moving one room to the next and refocusing the condo into more of a pied-à-terre.  I already ordered a new mattress, which should arrive in another 3 weeks or so.  It’s one I coveted for a couple of years but was ridiculously out of my price range.  Now, purchased on sale and with a significant discount dropping it 80%, it’s only mostly out of my price range.  (It still cost 1k for the queen mattress alone.)

I am focusing on the good, strong, positive things I do.  I have been spending lots of time with friends — too many fabulous cocktails, especially ones involving St Germain, because I am just that annoying — making new girlfriends, and reconnecting with old ones.

I am very good at my job, still.  I had a late night conference call tonight and I continually prove my worth and value to my partners.  It’s an unusual thing I do . . . and, as a result, I often root out lies and misstatements.  I told them this evening on the phone that the potential client sounded financially weak to me, just through some statements she made about the extent of her wealth.  I knew she was lying because it was nonsensical but BP and the rainmaker were convinced I was wrong.  I did the smallest investigation and found that I was very right.

As a result, they are impressed (again) and reminded of what intangibles I bring to the equation.

So, as a result of my inevitable attitude adjustment, I have decided to (try to) focus more on work and less on the contents of my navel.

We’ll see how that goes.

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