This morning, I received a surprising email from BFD, which made me blush and distracted me for a good hour, while I was on a conference call.

He opened by calling me by my nickname, originally bestowed two months ago after a particularly amazing encounter.  He’s never actually called me it before.  He bestowed it, and I know he thinks it, but I don’t remember him ever using it.  Anyone who has heard it, thanks to injudicious addressbook usage, has been impressed.  (Essentially, the implication is that I am very good in bed, but it’s cute, too.)

So, he used the nickname, and gave me an short overview of where he was, who he was with, and what he was doing on this business trip, and then told me he “should be back tomorrow” and asked if “maybe we could [see each other] tomorrow night.”

I replied back that his email had made me blush, mentioned a non-BFD compensation arrangement that was being formally negotiated and outlined the figures, and then said yes to tomorrow night and to re-earning the nickname.  (It’s been weeks . . .)

Fifty minutes later, I got a mini-rant from BFD that began essentially “What planet are you guys on?? . . . . I certainly am not holding you at x-2xk per month my goodness I don’t pay myself a salary at all . . .”

I loved this.  Especially the “my goodness” part.

He could not have read it more incorrectly and it rocked him back on his heels and he was sputtering throughout.  Then he said, I am only paying you x-x%, not that amount a month!.  Except his percentage offer was 2-3x higher than I had intended to include in our contract.  So, score!

I emailed him back telling him to settle down and clarifying other deal, not his.  So dumb.  We exchanged a couple of more cute emails. I also teased him about how hard it will be when I am making more money than he.  (Of course, just in interest, he outearns me, but whatever.)

It”s been nice having him back-ish.  He has called or texted me every day this week, at length.  I know he is slammed with work, and he’s been out of town every day, but it’s nice that he’s thinking of me.

Six weeks ago, I stopped calling/emailing BFD regularly.  From time to time, I shoot him a message or call, but he asked for space, so I gave it.  Now, he calls/texts/emails almost every day and I can clearly hear his moods as he works through everything.  BFD prefers to suffer alone, knowing he can be angry and prone to intemperate outbursts when stressed.  He protects me from his stress and anger, and I can hear when he’s barely holding it together.  It’s hard, what he does.  He knows I don’t handle it well when he’s short with me.  I used to withdraw; now, I snap at him, matching tone-for-tone.  He corrects and apologizes.  Still, it’s sometimes easier for him to withdraw and focus.  I get it now.

We have two more weeks before his most recent indulgence ends.  I love that he asked me out, though I am about 95% certain we will not see each other.  It’s okay though.  I miss him, and I know he misses me.  This has been hard, and it is not getting easier.

We’re still here, we’re still together, and he’s still an idiot.