BFD and I are crazy about each other, emphasis on the crazy. The hardest part of our relationship is all of the external factors. On our own, we are very well-suited. We respect each other, we enjoying each other intellectually, and we love to fuck each other. His life is difficult thanks to business factors, as is mine, but for completely different reasons.
One reason I wanted to date someone like BFD is that he is as busy as I am, so there is no danger that he’d not understand if I had to work all weekend. One reason BFD wants to date me is that I don’t sweat him about working all the time.
He called tonight around 10 ish, but I was on a conference call with BP and did not click over. He called back 10 minutes later and this time I tried to click over but just missed him, so I called him back. He said, sweetly, yeah, I knew you were on the phone.
We chatted at first about business — he had a new idea to bounce off of me, then about our new fitness adventure.
He had mentioned on Friday that he had a secret he was desperate to share, but was afraid I would not keep his confidence. I called him by his full first name, and said, I tell you things in confidence all the time, that I’ve never told anyone, how could you not think you could trust me???
So, he told me, with hesitation. It’s a problem and it’s freaking him out. He even offered to throw money at the problem to fix it, but he does not believe that will work.
He felt better for telling me, but now he’s nervous, though before the reveal, he was trying to remember a time when I broke his confidence and came up empty. What he might have been thinking about is our status stuff, but who knows. He held his tongue and I put the secret in the vault, though I had guessed the problem from context, the second part I would not have imagined.
So now, we are sharing this secret and it’s a doozy, though about a fairly trivial matter, but one that affects him regularly.
For the training, I had long ago decided I would start while he was gone, to get the first one or two sessions out of the way before he was there. Tomorrow is my first opportunity and I told him I was going then. He said, but I can’t be there, I am going on Thursday. I said, yes, I am going tomorrow. He repeated himself. I repeated myself, and I laughed, B, I am not trying to go for the first time when you’re there. I am not going to know what I am doing and it’s going to be embarrassing. He said, everyone has a first time, it’s no big deal. He was kind of insulted I wanted to go without him, where I thought he’d be thrilled for me to go alone.
I asked him about garb and procedure and stuff and it was adorable to hear him so excited that I am going to do this with him. He is paying for me to participate, obviously, and it’s a really big deal to him that I go and that I love it, which I expect I will.
One of his partners called, so we disconnected after agreeing we’d speak tomorrow. I followed up with an email about a restaurant and suggesting perhaps I would wait until Thursday, saying “It might be less embarrassing to klutz around in front of you for the first time on day 1 instead of day 2 or day 15. Rest assured, there will be klutzing.”
BFD keeps looking for ways to incorporate me into his life — through work, through fitness, through grocery shopping and nutritionist stuff, and through the sharing of secrets. He keeps bringing me in tighter, but often in his head, he keeps seeing obstacles, seemingly forgetting I am on the inside now, not the outside.
The last couple of weeks were challenging as he focused on business. Except he’s been present. We’ve spoken regularly. The only difference is that we were unable to make plans with all his travel. After we reconnected, I am hearing from him even more. He’s calling often, reaching out, pulling me in closer.
Things feel good and strong and solid.
Too bad he’s leaving for 10 days on Friday, but for now, we’re happy and it feels great.