I am left with this really strong impression from my date with BFD last night, that, essentially, we’re in exactly the same place in our relationship.
That has often not been the case. In the fall, he was very committed and I was very skittish. Through the winter, it was touch and go. The spring was mostly great, but I was still incapable of telling hom how I felt (ahem, still am). The summer . . . has been rough. I love him, he’s often so far up his own intestinal track he’s barely aware I exist.
But now, it feels right.
We’re in a good place and he’s back reaching out, back making plans, back thinking about me in his future, back to being an asshole (okay, that never really changes), but back to being involved with me, thinking about me, worrying about me, and being with me.
We have a very nontraditional relationship. We’re both fiercely independent and used to dating partners who are not really partners. Mine are always completely independent and at times indifferent. His are completely dependent and not really supportive of him and his lifestyle. Together, we battle and placate and get really freaking angry, but there is a renewed level of respect and affection.
I love that he has to continually re-evaluate me. He suspects, correctly, that I am keeping secrets from him, that there is more going on than meets the eye. He finds me fascinating, as he should. I am captivated by him. I cannot imagine anyone walking the planet I might find more interesting. Every time I get a true bead on him, he introduces a new facet, a new historical fact that makes me think, wow. How does one go from a conventional life to his? What makes him constantly push himself? How did he become the man he is?
Anyway, he looked at me last night with a new respect and a new certainty. He behaved toward me in public, in front of his people, as my boyfriend. He was affectionate and adorable and grumpy and all of those BFD traits, but he was never withdrawn. He was very present and very engaged with me.
My only complaint is the lack of sex, but I know when he’s stressed and ailing, he’s just not interested. He’s still affectionate, but not sexually driven. When he’s fine, it’s the first thing on his mind, if it’s been a few days since we’ve seen each other.
After Date 45, I am happy with him and happy with us. We have a strong foundation and things are improving.