Last night, I went out with a group of friends and the Alternate Reality.  I scandalized my friends because the AR and I were completely connected.  I saw a photo of us this afternoon, and I can honestly say, I don’t know that I’ve ever looked as happy with anyone as I do in his arms.

Except he’s married.

And loves me.

And I love him.

And it’s really fucking complicated.

Well, it’s not at all complicated . . . it’s just sad.

We have loved each other, but we’ve never been single together.  When A and I were in our death throes of a relationship, AR was dating young, hot women, so it never occurred to me he’d be interested.  Except he told me last night that he would have done anything to be with me, had he known.

Now, he’s married.  I am dating BFD.

When I look back at the picture, which I self-flagellatingly sent to my mother, I realize I deserved to find BFD’s new pic on eharmony.  AR and I are ridiculously happy in the photo.  I am in his arms, leaned back against his chest with his chin resting on my head.  It’s beautiful and intimate, and wildly inappropriate.