BFD is back in town from visiting his parents and siblings.
I called him at 2 ish at home and he called me back an hour later. He sounded good — relaxed, healthy. He asked, as he always does, for the news, wanting to know what he missed while away. I gave him the briefest mention of my birthday party — he loved that I was out having cocktails with a huge group of friends. We spoke a little calendar (it sucks, as usual), a little business (he called me by my nickname and told me he had doubts I could deliver … the jerk), and then we were cut short by an employee call. We confirmed we’d not be seeing each other tonight, which is disappointing but not unexpected.
I told him I needed him to change something on a page and shoot it back to me. It would take all of 30 seconds to do, including opening and emailing.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
I wrote him an email asking about the doc, the people I was meeting with about the doc, the car, and plans for Friday, but decided to call instead. Surprisingly, he answered and was rather sweet. He confirmed he’d do it, but he was obviously busy trying to get caught up, so I said I’d shoot the rest in email. The email was short, to the point, and a nice balance of work, life, and romance, with enough sex reference to titillate him.
I heard nothing in response for 3.5 hours, which was fine. I was not really expecting a response.
What I received surprised me.
He ignored almost everything but the car. He ruminated instead on the crappy state of my credit and how getting a car was not going to help it: “but that, at this point, is worrying about secondary issues – the primary being the practical ability to move and groove.” He continued that: “If you want, you can use the [car] – I think I have it for another ten or 11 months….” and wrote about the fact he wants me to pay my part when I can at some point in the future — and he means it — while he buys himself a new toy. He ended with the reminder that he’s off tomorrow for a business day trip, but he hopes to be back for our training tomorrow night.
I was shocked by his email. First, by BFD standards it was long. I saw it first when I was on the phone and it hit my cell phone. I was talking to BP and I glanced down and saw it was long like the plaintive emails. I cleared the line and walked to my laptop, expecting the worst.
More importantly, it was incredibly generous. We both know I am having cash flow issues, which I am working hard to resolve. I did not want to get the car back until I did. He wants me to have it back now, which would of course be my preference.
Have I mentioned it’s a beautiful car? I love the car and he loves having me drive the car.
I wrote back, thanking him for his generosity, letting him know I would love to use the [car], and telling him that I am uncomfortable about one toy he was considering “aren’t there better ways you can go about ruining your handsome face?” I told him also to avoid hurting himself before training “so you can do crunches instead of talking to me about music and my admittedly cute (xxxxx) socks.”
BFD’s offer is incredibly generous, given that our biggest issue is MONEY and his fear of my financial dependence on him. Instead, he’s doing the right thing for me, enabling me to benefit, while still ensuring that when I am able I will be paying my own way. The other reason he is doing it is that he benefits — me with a car means I can ferry him to and from the airport, I can drive out to his house instead of having to come into town, and it’s better for his ego, I think, to know he’s supporting me. Most importantly, it’s a vote of confidence in me and my prospects and in our relationship. It ties us together again, making us even more intertwined.
I spoke with BP after and mentioned the car thing and he just gave me an exasperated — you two kids and your ridiculouly principled stands. BP believes that BFD and I love each other, and he’s right, but we’re also insane. He added: where’s your independence now that he’s giving you back the car. Yeah, well, I still feel I am paying for it, just not upfront.
I have no idea when we’ll get to spend any significant time together, but I am happy he’s back, no matter how briefly.
His generosity has moved me. He’s not a typical rich guy who doesn’t care about the car and wants to spoil me. It all matters to him, and he’s doing it anyway.