Over the course of the past two days, BFD and I have been open and honest and vulnerable, taking on issues we’ve danced around.
There were few surprises, but in finally acknowledging that we’ve been dancing, that we’re afraid, that we just don’t know what the hell we’re doing, we’re in a stronger, more confident place.
We have been speaking constantly, completely engaged with each other about things large and small, and reaching out through the darkness to keep connecting.
None of this is easy. None of it has ever been easy.
We know what we want, but we don’t know how (or if) to get there.
I am left feeling free and positive and open. I’ve told him where I am, he’s told me where he is, and I feel better now, and I think he does to. Rather, I feel he does.
The truth is that I know him and he knows me. What we have been saying is not a surprise because we have each known how the other felt.
The strengthening is that by sharing our feelings we’re making it our issue instead of his issue or my issue.
I feel really good about where we are. I understand the meaning of his words and I understand his heart.
We have dropped our guards so much that there is no going back, no safe retreat. We’re here together and we’re trying to work it out.